Against The Tides

Chapter 7

Ash's POV

I was sitting in my chemistry class, the Nelson twins on either side of me. It’s not like I'm a bad student or anything, but I was not listening to Mrs. Mosley's boring monotonous lecture about organic compounds. Why?  

Because Xander.

First, he bumped into me and then acted like it was my fault. Then, he ignored my apology and pushed me to the ground. Next, I am getting bullied by seniors and he saves me from them. He gets hurt in the process and I tried to apologize (again). But he waves it off like it's nothing. Then, I dig out the courage from every nook and corner of my body to introduce myself to him. But he shoves me the ground (again).

All of it confused me. He first acted like he didn’t care about me and then he got into a fight and got hurt, because of me. I had never seen a real fight before. The sound of one of the guy’s arm breaking was still ringing in my ears. And then, the picture of Xander’s busted lip and bruised eye came into my mind, I could not stop the pang of guilt that spread across my body.

All this was happening because I did not have the courage to speak up. I felt like crying again. I wanted to apologize to Xander again and thank him again. But it seemed like he didn’t want to talk to me. I even tried to approach him, but he ignored me and left.

Suddenly, Tyler nudged my left shoulder and I looked at him. He pointed a finger towards the front. I followed my gaze in that direction, only to find Mrs. Mosely giving me a stern glare from behind her thick glasses.  

Uh-oh.

I definitely didn’t know what was going on. I looked at Tyler for help, who was staring straight ahead, I looked at Taylor, who was frantically scribbling something on the desk. I looked at Mrs. Mosely again. She was still looking at me with her eyebrows raised.  

“Did he forget his own name or something?” someone from behind sniggered. Ohhhhhhh. She wanted me to introduce myself. Why in the middle of a lesson?  

I tried to gain my composure and speak in a firm voice.

“Ashton Summers” I said in a low voice, looking down. All eyes in the classroom were on me. I hated this feeling. Memories from my school days came flooding back to me. No. No. No. No. I can't think about that now. I could feel my heart leap into my throat. I knew what was going to happen next. I would get a panic attack and black out in the next few seconds.  

Mrs. Mosely, thankfully, noticed that something was wrong.

“Okay Summers. You have missed a lot of portions. I'm sure the Nelson twins will help you out with that. And if u need anything, you can always come to me. I also suggest you pay attention in class. Now, since that’s clear, lets continue our lesson” she said.

I released a long breath that I had not realised I had been holding. Tyler nudged my shoulder again and asked if I was alright. I nodded slowly and made the universal gesture for I-will-explain-later. He nodded and gave me a warm smile. Just a second later, Taylor did the same thing. I could not help but smile.  

I momentarily forgot that I was about to have a panic attack. Momentarily. I definitely did not want my college to be like my school days. I was always bullied in school. No. This time is going to be different. I will not let myself get affected by what people have to say about my size or my problems. And besides, I had my brother here. The Nelson twins also seemed really nice people.

My heartbeat slowed down and I could breathe normally again. The ringing in my ears vanished and I tried to pay attention towards the lecture. Notice I said tried.

I could not stop the images of my school days flooding back to me. The way I was always rammed against the lockers, the way everyone in class laughed at my inability to speak in front of everyone, the way people thought I used to fake my illness to gain attention, the way my own best friend believed all those lies.  

I silently wished that I would never have to go through all that again. I really wished I could tell people how I feel and I really wish they would understand. Like this, thought led to thought and I was back to square one.  

Xander.

I silently blamed him for almost ruining my first day at college. I would not think about him and his weird behavior towards me. Besides, he made it clear that he did not want to talk to me. No, he made it clear twice. I would not let it bother me. No way.

Soon, the class was over and a few people filed out of the room the moment the bell rang. A few stopped by and introduced themselves to me. I nervously said a meek hello to all of them. Two girls, Natasha and Catherine, said that they would be happy to help me catch up with the portions. I smiled at them and they waved their goodbyes before leaving the class.

That left the Nelson twins and I alone in the class.

“Are you alright Ash?” Taylor asked, putting a reassuring arm around my shoulders. “What were you even thinking about so deeply?” Tyler piped in. I wanted to tell them about the locker room scene but then I remembered that my brother and the Nelson twins weren't great friends with Xander. So, I completely dodged their questions and slung my free hand around Tyler’s shoulder.

“Nothing much. Let's go to our next class” I said, my voice was still a little shaky. They did not press it further.  

The next few classes were fine. I was focused and I jotted down all the important points in my rough copy. I had to introduce myself in the beginning of the class, but it was not as hard as it was in chemistry. I even answered a few questions in psychology, my favourite subject.

It was time to go home and I instantly started panicking when I saw the large crowd of teenagers. How am I supposed to find Aiden? I frantically looked around. Given my height, all I could see were the shoulders of the group of guys walking ahead of us.  

“There he is!” Tyler said, as though reading my mind. I sighed in relief when I saw where Tyler was pointing. My brother was casually leaning against the car, talking to his friends. He saw me approaching and waved at me cheerfully. The Nelson twins said their goodbyes, heading towards their own car, whilst arguing about who will drive. I walked towards my brother and he smiled down at me, ruffling my black hair.  

“How was your first day Ash?” he asked. I forced a smile and nodded. I did not want to mention the bullying or Xander. And I definitely didn't want to mention about the panic attack, he would worry unnecessarily.  
“It was good. Classes were also interesting, I guess. I spoke to a few people also. I really like the Nelson twins. Even the teachers seem nice.” I replied, trying to sound as normal as possible. Just when we were about to get into the car, I saw Xander.

He was also standing beside his car, talking to his girlfriend. Our eyes met and Xander smiled at me. A barely noticeable smile. For reasons I could not explain, I had butterflies in my stomach. I awkwardly waved at him, trying to wrap my head around the fact that Xander smiled at me.