Everything I didn't Say

What I Didn't Say

Everything I said I meant. Everything I didn't say I still feel. 

I didn't say how I missed the way you held me.
I didn't say I missed your hugs
How I could depend on our little touches.

I didn't say choose.
I didn't say fight for me. Even though I wanted you too.
I didn't say how badly I needed you.
When I found out I didn't like sitting even five feet away.
That even three inches was not close enough; when you stopped playing with my hair.
When I realized, after a night of staring at the ceiling, that I only fell asleep when you said,"Go to bed, things will work out."

I didn't say stay. 
I didn't say be mine until too late. Our conversation rolls around in my mind. Keeping me up at night. 

I should have.

Fate has a bad way of making up for my sins. Too many to count, they make my heart ache.

I didn't say all the things that went on around in my head.
Like I've never been kissed on the forehead. I liked it.
Like I felt saner around you, my crazy mind would quiet down.
Like you were the first to listen to me.
That meant the world to me.
I didn't say I wanted to know you. I thought I'd get the chance.
Time ran out.

Little things like that. They make the difference. Words that would never come out of my mouth, for fear of sounding naive and young. Even though I'm the younger one.

I didn't say the things that burnt my heart and tongue.
I didn't say how I liked the way you kissed me.
Everywhere and nowhere.
I didn't say you made me feel.
I didn't say that the tension you made me feel was white hot.
Your touch sizzling my skin.
I kept my mouth shut. Not knowing I was on a timer.

I didn't say I miss you.
I didn't say I wanted you. 
That's all.

In five years I'll forget these things,
With only fragments of memories
Floating around my head.
And you'll forget me
Only remembering my name.
Life works like that.

And I hope you have a great life.
And if we ever cross paths
I hope we sit and talk
And say everything we didn't.
For we didn't say enough.

To someone who stole my heart
And I ran out of time
This is everything I didn't say.