If we meet again

Chapter 3

Nick's POV

 I'm freaking out. I mean, of course I would never, ever actually do something stupid or crazy like freak out big-time. That's just not in my character. But I can hardly remember this girl, even if it seems like Kevin does. Joe looks really confused, but I don't think I do. I pretty much have no facial expression, so I've been told. But when I'm thinking by myself, I think a lot about having a sister. Like what I would do with her, for her. I would obviously be really protective of her, and probably try to do some annoying stuff to her. And a lot behind her back, too. Like going through her phone and social media to make sure she isn't in contact with any boys. It's a realistic concern. I would also probably take some of her stuff....like makeup and beauty supplies. And probably her hair stuff, too. The thing with being famous is that everything you do can wind up online if you're not super careful. So if I buy girl's stuff to inspect and experiment with, it could go all over the press that I'm gay or something. And I'm not homophobic, but I'm not gay and I want to make that VERY clear to all the ladies. If any of us was gay, it would definitely be Joe. The guy wears makeup! But that's besides the point. I'm trying to focus back on the tracks we were making for our new album, but it's impossible knowing that my little sister is outside the room with my dad. She's twelve and I'm fifteen, Joe's eighteen and Kevin's almost twenty. I can't believe I've lived fifteen years and been completely oblivious to my sister. 

"I can't believe this." Joe whispered again, running his hands through his hair. "Nick, how are you so calm?" he asked loudly, getting up and quickly crossing the room to stand smack in front of me, blocking my keys and music. 

"Dude!" I pushed him but somehow he's stronger than me, so I barely moved him. 

"How are you so calm?" he asked again. I sighed. 

"Look, I'm freaking out inside. Seriously. But I just have to suck it up, okay? It's worked for the past fifteen years, why wouldn't it work now?" I folded my arms. Joe shook his head and walked back to his chair. 

"You always suck it up." he muttered. Honestly, we formed the band and were discovered back in 2005. I was twelve. I grew up with a lot of cameras around me, especially after 2007 when we really got popular. But after I looked at some of the pictures they took, I decided I didn't like the crazy expressions on my face - plus, people loved Joe because of how crazy he was. How open and funny he would act. But since I would never be able to go that far, that crazy, I decided halfway wasn't good enough, and I would never commit enough to craziness. So I stuck with a very dignified look and I'm very happy with it. I don't mind be serious because I've been told it looks good on me. It must get exhausting to be so crazy, but I think Joe has a lot of energy. It's harder for me because of my diabetes. 

Even though I'm not one for pity parties, I do think I have it the worst. Joe complains about bad hair days, and Kev can get irritated about not being treated like an adult all the time, but I'm seriously sick. Like I'm always thirsty, and I'm so tired, even when I've only been awake for a few hours. And the whole finger-pricking thing is really annoying, even if it is in my routine now. Mom just keeps saying that one day it will get better, but it's been almost a year since it was fully discovered in me and it's annoying me now. I guess in the beginning I was a little scared of the notion that I would be sticking a needle in my finger and testing my blood every hour for the rest of my life. But it's not really that bad, and even when I feel fine I always seem to have a crazy sugar level. People have asked what the worst parts of having diabetes is, and I don't have a list but I have a top few. 1, having to wake up twice a night to check the levels. 2, the paparazzi following me to the hospital if the levels are bad. Like, it's not their business! 3, how worried everyone always is. 4, how it feels like people blame me. I can't control it, and I don't always eat sugar so sometimes my blood sugars gets high and I can't fix it. So get off my back. 5, how worried everyone is. It makes me feel bad. 

Having a list of 5 things that are "so terrible" about having a disease may seem petty, or stupid, or something no one wants to hear. But it's real. And there are a bunch of other things that won't make sense to anyone else that are real struggles for me. And people may say it's petty and babyish for me to "complain" about something so upfront, but I wish they would take a second and think about this; if they had this disease, or a medical condition they couldn't control, they would probably make lists too. Write stuff down, and need some help. Because this is real. What I hated the most was one day in the hospital a few months back. 

Flashback 

I'm in a hospital room. 

"Hey honey, I want you to tell me the biggest problem you feel about this disease." a nurse said. She's holding a clipboard. I know that anything I say is going right back to my family, and possibly the press. I have to choose my words carefully. 

"It's annoying is all I can say. It's really frustrating and when I'm in the middle of handling it, I don't like when people get in my face and tell me to do stuff." I said. "It makes everything that much harder and it's really impossible already so I wish everyone would just get off my back." The nurse pursed her lips judgmentally and scribbled something on the clipboard. 

"Okay." she got up and was about to leave the room when she turned around and said; "Oh, and honey? There are other people in this hospital that have serious struggles, and problems. Believe it or not, diabetes is a very simple case compared to other ones. It may be annoying but that is a very selfish thing to think because other people here are in a lot more pain than you. I want you to remember that honey, cause it's not all about you." Then she left. I didn't tell anyone because I thought she was right. One night a few weeks later though, Joe and I were talking at night and I told him the whole thing. I didn't exaggerate at all, I just told him a simple version of what she said. I left the room after but the next time we went to the hospital I found out Joe had told. I asked Mom to request a different nurse, but she said they had fired the nurse a few weeks before and I would never see her again. Joe looked guilty and apologized a few times, but I was secretly glad I would never see her again, and that no other person would have to hear something so hurtful. When we got home that night I just went to bed and cried. "Other people are in a lot more pain than you. I want you to remember that honey, cause it's not all about you." Those words rang in my ears for weeks, and even though I couldn't remember all of it after a while, I still remember a few words which will haunt me for a while. 

That's why I was so mad when Dad and Brook came back in arguing. I tuned them out for a while, then I heard Dad say it;

"It's not all about you, Brooklyn!" he yelled.  I stood up, stormed over and wrapped my arms around this little girl I barely knew. 

"If you ever need help or you want time from me, tell me as soon as possible. I will make time for you, I swear it. Because when you need me...."  I keeled down in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders. "...it will be all about you." She started crying and hugged me back. Dad left, I think. Maybe Joe did too. I carried Brook from the room and put her in the bed that she never knew belonged to her.