Black & White

28: I had really messed everything up this time, and I knew it.

TW!

***

"Hey, we're here to-"

"Cut the crap" Tara appeared from behind Seb, slowly walking towards me with an accusing stare. I gulped, bracing myself for what was about to happen.

Seb had just let Austin and me into his house. I was already anxious as it is, and she comes flying out like that? I might just faint.

"Tara, I-"

"I said," She cut me off again, clenching her jaw in frustration as she came right up to my face."Cut the fucking crap, Tina!"

I shut my mouth immediately.

"Am I right?" She asked, staring deep into my terrified eyes with her angry brown ones. I nodded, not needing an explanation. I knew that she knew.

"So you just...you just decided to hide it from me?" She shook her head, ignoring the worried faces of Austin and Seb."When would you tell me? Were you even going to tell me?" She asked me, disappointed.

"Tara, I'm sorry"

"No, Tina!" She exclaimed."That's not how a promise works! That's not how it fucking works, dammit! I trusted you to be honest with me, always and forever'' She shook her head, fighting hot tears from escaping her furious eyes. ''What if you went too far?! What if I didn't find out? Would I lose you?'' She frowned at her own words, imagining everything that could've gone down. ''Do you realize that? You could've died. How could you do this? You know what the doctors told us when we got out. YOU know what they said. So, why? Because of him, really? Or is it because of Gina again? Because of your mother too? Who?! Tell me, whose fault it is! Why would you do that?! Tell me!-"

"Because of me, Tara!" I shrieked, cutting her rant off. The palms of my hands were growing sweaty and my throat was beginning to shut, but I fought through it as all my emotions came spilling out of my mouth."It's all because of me, Tara! No one else! Can't you see? I'm not okay. I never was! It was all a flipping lie! A disguise! I wanted to be like you, so desperately. I wanted to recover, I wanted to be normal again, just like you. I knew that you were okay, so I had to pretend I was too! I couldn't ruin it all for you. I couldn't. I had to shut up and smile because I knew what you went through! I didn't want you to go back to that. So I shut down my own troubles because I wanted to let you heal! I wanted to let you heal in peace, Tara'' I begged her to understand, my voice cracking as I poured my heart out to her. ''And then one day, one small thing ticked me off, and that's it! I'm back at it again. I'm back at the lowest frickin' point of my life. And I have no idea what I'm doing!"

''Tara-'' Austin tried to speak before she did.

''No, Austin, it's fine. I won't hurt your precious little Tina. At least, not like she hurt me'' Tara cut him off, still staring into my eyes through her tears. ''I need to go'' She whispered before storming out of Seb's house. He followed her, flashing us an apologetic smile.

I stared after her, through the half-open front door.

So, that's it?

That's the end?

The end of everything we went through together? 

I refused to believe it.

''She'll come around'' Austin finally spoke up, as a tear slipped down my cheek. He came closer, extending his arm to hug me. I pushed it away, refusing to look at him.

I need to be alone.

''Leave me alone, please'' I shook my head as I left the house. His footsteps followed me, making my temper rise a little more.