In Another Life

7: I'd want it to be you

Tyrese

Bev and Nyle were finally getting married. I was just so happy for them. Mixed emotions nga lang dahil malapit na akong bumalik sa Manila. Malapit na rin akong bumalik sa trabaho. Ever since I started working as a nurse, I had never taken an actual break. 

Taking a break shouldn't make me feel guilty, but the world moved so fast that if I stopped, I might get left behind. I had to convince myself that I deserved this vacation. I mean, I had been working hard. Salamat talaga sa wedding ng mga friends ko dahil may excuse ako magbakasyon.

"What are you thinking?" Eisley asked. He had been really attentive and considerate lately. 

"I'm thinking about my job," I answered truthfully. 

"What about it?" 

"I love my job, but it gets really toxic. I hate how seniority still exists. Just because they are more experienced does not mean they are better than me. They think they can order me around like they're slave. Also, they have their own ways, but it does not make my techniques wrong. And if they don't like my ways, then say it properly, right? Why judge and gossip? I swear, they just hate me. They just enjoy bullying me." 

Some of the nurses at my workplace hated me. Hindi ko naman kasalanan na close ako sa mga supervisors at doctors, pero feeling nila, sipsip ako. Para saan? Para sa promotion? No way. Naririnig kong sinisiraan nila ako sa mga bagong nurses at sinasabihan silang maging careful sa akin. Grabe, sa bait kong 'to?

And whenever I would do something different, they would immediately think it was wrong and judge me. They wouldn't even let me explain why I would perform my procedures that way. Hindi ba pwedeng magkakaiba lang kami? Kahit nga sa shift planner ko, may issue sila. 

Eisley nodded. "You know it's not your fault why they're acting like that, right? They are being irrational. No one deserves to get bullied. Have you asked someone for help?" 

"I don't want to burden anyone. It's okay; I can handle them. I'll talk to them when I get back." 

"I know you can handle them," he said. "You're strong, Tyrese. You're probably stronger than me. But I think, it's better if you report their behaviours so they won't repeat them to you... or to anyone else. How are you so sure that you're their only victim?" 

I sighed. "You're annoying." 

He seemed confused. "Did I say anything wrong?" 

Tumawa lang ako. "You're annoying because you have a point." 

Sabay kaming pumunta nila Eisley at Tita Juliet sa simbahan. Inaayos ko yung necktie niya na ikinagulat naman niya. Nagulat din ako sa ginawa ko. Si Tita, ngumiti lang na parang kinikilig. 

"Thank you," he said as he looked away. 

I tapped his shoulder. "You're welcome." 

Alam ko naman na hinihintay pa rin ni Eisley yung sagot ko, pero paano ko ba sasabihin sa kanyang hindi pa ako ready? Ayoko naman siyang maghintay dahil sayang lang oras niya, 'di ba? He was so smart, talented and adorable. Clumsy nga lang, pero na sa kanya na lahat. 

Higit sa lahat, mukhang hindi siya manloloko. 

Kaso ganun din si Rhys, ex ko, noong una. 

Eisley 

Tyrese probably forgot that I confessed to her because she acted like nothing happened. She wasn't mad and annoyed. She didn't even reject me directly. We just never talked about it. She would catch me staring at her from time to time and she would smile at me. I wasn't sure if she was just that friendly or it was her form of rejection. 

"Anak, may nag-iba sa'yo," my mom told me once. I was helping her cook. "May gusto ka na ba?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Do you like someone?" 

I nodded. 

"Si Tyrese?" she asked again.

I looked at her, then I nodded again. "How did you know?" 

"Paano, iba yung mga tingin mo sa kanya. Pinagluto mo pa ng breakfast tapos pinapasok mo siya sa art room mo. Hindi lang 'yun! Lagi mo siyang pinupuri eh hindi ka naman ganyan ka-vocal. Tapos balita ko, nag-canyoneering kayo eh 'di ba takot ka sa heights? Napapayag ka niya eh hindi nga kita maisakay sa ferris wheel?" 

In my mind, I was agreeing with my mom. She was right. 

"You're right." 

She laughed. "So, anong plano mo? Liligawan mo ba?" 

I shrugged. 

She then gave me tips to impress Tyrese and make her like me back. I wrote them down because I might need them in the future. She also told me to be myself, and Tyrese would definitely liked me. My mom continued talking, but I stopped listening as I thought of a few things: 

1. I didn't think being myself would work. Me having a dull personality would make her get bored of me; not liked me. 

2. Following my mom's tips would be really, really difficult as I had never courted someone before. 

3. Being socially awkward would not help. 

-

After Nyle and Beverly's wedding reception, Tyrese approached me and offered me her hand. "Friends?" 

I shook her hand. "Friends." 

She smiled; it was stunning. "I'm going back to Manila tomorrow, so we might not see each other for a long time. I won't be going to Aunt Teri's gallery in the meantime because I have so many things to do at work. I still have to report my bullies, remember? Anyway, it was nice getting to know you, Eisley. I'm serious. Thanks for letting me get to know you." 

I nodded, giving her a smile so she wouldn't feel bad for me. "I really like you, Tyrese, but I'm happy for us to remain friends." 

"Really?" 

I nodded. "It's my pleasure to be friends with you. Thank you for not taking offense when I confessed to you."

"You're cute." She giggled, wrapping her arms around me. I took a deep breath because why would she do this to me? "Thank you for understanding. I'm just not ready yet, but you know what? If I'm going to have a boyfriend someday, I'd want it to be you." 

What was that supposed to mean? Did she want me to wait for her?