I met you long before I knew anything about you, long before I learned you, when I thought you were excitement and adventure and beauty, and you thought such lovely things about me too, said so many things, but now is different, now I see you I see you behind mirrors and in my own reflection when I look into your eyes, there is a terrible waste in you that will one day eat you alive and I dream in terror that it will take me too because I can't tell our reflections apart anymore.
You spend your days dancing on a knife's edge spinning and spinning, ever so carefully in a hesitance that you convince yourself is romantic or quizzical or mysterious when in reality it's just stupidity or insanity, just your pure refusal to decide between one side or the other until you find that you've spun out of control, you are dizzy, and ill, and lost, and your feet are bleeding and you can no longer stand straight but you don't know what else to do so you just continue to dance dance dance until your feet are carved to nothing and you fall to pieces on every side and you gain nothing.
I've been watching this dance for so long I might as well have choreographed it myself, I could certainly join in, I'm quite sure I already have, maybe that's why you always make me feel dizzy, not because I am in love but because we've been spinning since the day we met, we aren't lovers and we aren't friends but we've loved eachother fiercely, fiercely enough to defend one another when neither of us deserved it, we are nothing and everything to one another and to split would be excruciating but to cleave together will kill us both, or at least make me wish it did.
I suppose it would be cruel of me to lay all blame on you, you are hiding behind pretty dances and I am hiding behind distrust, at least you never lied to yourself about what your dance was for and that's something I can't say, not when I cry excuses and paint over my intentions, regardless of audience or lack there of, you won't commit to anything not even to me and I hated you for it all while you hated me for being so afraid of the outcome that I deceived the world into believing a ruse, a facade, I never lie but deception was never any better, and we both know what's coming for us, what we deserve, it's a partner dance after all, so why don't we hold hands as we hit the floor.
Why don't we let ruin make us beautiful.
