Bound To Fall

Chapter 32| Am Fucking Tired

What am I now

What am I now

What if am someone I don't want around

Am falling again, am falling again

Am falling..."

"This isn't the time for this James. And what kind of question is that? She's her sister," my mother calmly replies to my father. The sudden tension that laces this room is too much, it could easily be cut by a knife. I'm so exhausted, I can't see myself letting my father talk to me like this today.

"Honey what happened to you?" she questions when she notices the bandages and the stitches. I don't know how bad it looks yet, but from the horrific look on her face, I guess it's pretty bad. I don't realise that am crying again until I feel the sobs wrecking my body. Drew and my mum notice this, so Drew pulls me in for a hug, and my mum gets up and makes her way to me. Drew signals for her to stay put, which she does.

Emily's eyes squint in worry and confusion, "What the hell is going on? Drew what happened to her?" she questions. I want to stop the tears, but I can't. Everything comes crashing on me, from the night I hurt Em, to the way I was hurt tonight. Life shouldn't be this hard, but unfortunately it is, and the sad part is that there's nothing much I can do about it.

I hear my father scoff from the corner of the room, "Same ole shit. She probably cut herself up so that she can come here and draw attention to herself. Don't you ever get tired of the constant shitshow?"

I feel Drew's body tense beneath me, and I have a feeling that he's about to say something in my defense. I lift my head and rest my palm on his chest to stop him, he has done enough for today. I need to be the one to put an end to this.

"Tired? You want to talk to me about being tired, dad. Tired is what I've been for the past seventeen years of my life. I've put more effort in pleasing you than I've ever invested into anything; trying to be the perfect daughter, but what did I get in return. Hatred. All you ever showed me was hatred, and all your eyes could ever see was Emily. And don't you dare put this the wrong way, I love my sister, more than anything in the world. I was never jealous of her, because she deserved the love she got, but I always wondered why I didn't. What did I ever do to deserve this? I tried to work on my grades, but that wasn't enough. Then I thought that maybe I could gain fame, join the cheerleading squad, hang around with average boys. But no, that didn't work either," I'm screaming now, and a panting mess. I think Drew knows that I need to get this off my chest because he simply places a hand on my shoulder but doesn't make a move to stop me.

"I was never good enough, not for you, not for anyone. And mum just watched on as if nothing was happening, as if her husband wasn't mentally torturing her kid. I'm just glad she realised just how much of an asshole you are and left you. You could call me sentimental if you want, but all I ever needed were my parents and you weren't there. So am sorry if I came off as an arrogant jealous bitch, but can you take a hint what caused it daddy. Am done pleasing people, am done pleasing you." The tears haven't stopped, and from the corner of my eye I see my mum and sister crying as well.

I turn my attention to her, but not before noticing the guilty look on my dad's face, "And Emily. I'm sorry about everything. I wasn't a good sister to you, and I drove you to this place as well. If I could, I would have exchanged places with you, but I couldn't. I love you, and you should know that I followed your advice."

I didn't know that letting this out would make me feel lighter, if I did, I would have done this a long time ago. It feels good. I avert my eyes to Drew, "Let's go." He nods and leads me outside to his car. Where on earth is Jake though?