Spring is the loveliest

75 3 3
                                    

Knowing my life is going nowhere should give me encouragement to do whatever I want to do. To take adventures and risks. Knowing I have nothing planned for my future and I am living day to day. 

 Living with my parents can only get me so far. I know they have plans on living by themselves once they hit a certain age. Not having a job I should really get on to have money. My parents don't know what to do with me. I don't know what to do without my parents. I am too dependent. 

The time has come. 

It's the day everyone has officially gone their separate ways. 

Sisters with their partners and children. Sister working, living by herself learning how to be an adult. And there is me with a low-paying job but at least I am doing something.

My parents have moved out. The house is going to be sold. I have nowhere to go. I go downtown and check into a hotel. 2 nights 3 days. I look out the window of the room. The beach is very close by looking extremely pretty. I get a nice spring breeze flow through the slightly open window. I put on a nice flowy dress and go to the beach. I walk for hours looking around. Children playing in the sand and swimming in the ocean. Lots of laughing and parents yelling worrying that their children might get in too deep of the ocean. First date picnics. Flying kites. Playing frisbee. Tossing a football around. Building castles.

I try to remember the last time I was at the beach. It had been a while. I will never get to go on a first date. I will never e able to build a sandcastle. I will never be able to laugh loudly with my family anymore. I start popping one pill by one while I head back to the hotel room. Of course on an empty stomach because this has to be the end. 

I finally get to my room and open my suitcase. I smile down at the bottles. I didn't realize it then but now it makes sense. I stopped drinking for a year just so when the time came I could get wasted easily since I haven't had alcohol in forever. I pull out the bottles. Vodka and tequila of course. I drink while still popping pills. 2 bottles let's do it. I take off my dress and get into the tub. Just for extra measures, I brought my razors. I turn on the water making sure it is extremely warm to the point where it is almost burning me. And that is how my night went. With some nice relaxing music, my bottles of alcohol and pills, and my razors. 

My family already has their letters they will find too late. I already tied up all my loose ends. I can go in peace, I can accept the darkness.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I think I found my perfect ending. The scariest part is how before it was just to get my pain out but now I am actually considering and trying to find the perfect way to die. I can't wait to see if I am still going to be alive 10 years from now. 

You've reached the end of published parts.

⏰ Last updated: Feb 21, 2021 ⏰

Add this story to your Library to get notified about new parts!

Suicide stories.Where stories live. Discover now