Fighting

Chapter four

It felt so good to let it all out. Elaine and I ended up falling asleep on the couch, we barely even touched our popcorn. I awoke to the smell of cinnamon rolls baking in the oven. Elaine was already awake and making breakfast.

"Where are the boys?" I asked. "They went to go explore, James said you didn't do a very good job yesterday." she said. Oh, yeah. How could I forget the fact I hurt James when I didn't say I love you back? "Yeah. Things kind of got confusing yesterday." I said sheepishly. "I know, you told me all about it, remember?" she asked. "Yeah, I remember. I've got a pounding headache to remind me." I said with a smirk. "There's medicine in the bathroom cabinet on the left hand side." she informed me. "Thanks." I said as I wobbled up the stairs trying not to face plant into wood.

I felt horrible, crying always gives me a headache. I found the medicine, I took double what the normal dose is. I really needed to start feeling better if I was going to put on a face of being happy to help forget what happened yesterday.

I got in the shower after I got some water and medicine in me. Hopefully the hot water would help ease the pounding pain in my head. I grabbed some towels from the closet and headed into the bathroom. I turned on the hot water first and let it heat up before I added cold.

The cloud of steam rose quickly and clouded the mirror so that I could no longer see my reflection. It became hard to breathe with all of the steam, I figured it was time to turn on cold also and get in. The water rushed over my body leaving goosebumps trailed all over my body. The water was the perfect balance between hot and warm, I could have stayed there all day.

I used Elaine's soaps, they all smelled of fresh flowers and vanilla. I was glad I had forgotten my own, now I had an excuse to use hers. Whenever I needed comfort, I would carry her scent on my skin and know that she would be there if I needed to talk to her.

I stepped out of the shower and grabbed one of the towels for my body. After I had it securely around my body, I grabbed another for my hair. The mirror was finally starting to clear up. I was able to see my reflection and I just wondered what had happened to me.

I used to be so sure of myself and everything around me. I used to know I could have the best grades, and I knew that Scott would be there for me at the end of the day. Now, I'm on my own, except for Elaine. My friends abandoned me, Scott broke up with me, and my grades were slipping. I was doing all I could to keep my GPA high, but no matter what I did, it slipped further and further down, allowing someone else to be the better candidate for a scholarship. I wanted my old life back, but no matter what I did, it seemed harder and harder to be able to do that.

I opened the door of the bathroom and stepped out into the cool hallway. I could smell fresh cut grass, people must be eager to get out in their yards and begin the creation of their gardens.

I walked to my room and found James sitting on the bed. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I want to know what's going on with you. I feel like you're drifting away." he said, sounding a little angry. I was scared, I didn't want him to know that I still thought about Scott. I didn't want him to know I wasn't sure. But I couldn't keep it from him any longer, could I? "Okay." I whispered. I met his eyes full of sadness and anger with mine full of confusion and regret. "I'll tell you everything you want to know." I said, louder this time.

After I got dressed, I sat on the bed with him and I told him everything. "James, I'm so sorry." I apologized in advance. "For what?" he asked. "You'll understand when I'm done talking." I said. And so I began. I told him about my constant feelings for Scott, why I seemed so distant, and why I couldn't say that I loved him back. I could tell he was hurt by all of this. I also told him everything about him that I liked and made me attracted to him. The way he smirks when he's trying to act mad, or how he smiles with his eyes even though he's trying to show no emotion, the way he smells when I get into his car and how he treats me.

"So why do you still love him, even though he treated you badly? Something I would never do." he asked, sounding deeply hurt. "Honestly James, I don't know. That's something I've been trying to figure out myself." I said. He couldn't look me in the eyes anymore, "I feel like you've been with him still, not me." he said. "James, I'm working through this, I'm trying to get it to work between us because you are such a great guy." I said, not knowing if that's what I really wanted.

He got up and left, I saw the tears in his eyes. I went down to find Elaine, but all I found was a note. It said: "Jenny, I heard you telling James everything. Sorry I can't be here to help, someone needs help at the shop. Just talk to him about it and make sure he knows the TRUTH!" She's right, I thought. I went upstairs and opened the door to his room, he was asleep.

I tiptoed to his bed and got underneath the covers and curled up next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "I love you, Jenny. Even if you don't feel that way about me, I love you." So much for him being asleep. "James, I think I love you, I'm just not sure." I breathed, barely a whisper. There, that's the truth. I think I love him but I don't know. He needs to know the truth, and that's what I'm telling him.

For the readers!-- Scott will being coming into the book in chapter 5, I hope you're enjoying the drama of Jenny's life(: