Depth

I was too desperate to even notice how the times go by

I followed her without thinking to myself

Had to meet new friends because of her

Had to do things just to be close to her

Some say I'm a intimidating person

But deep inside, I just want to see her smile for what I did

I did not know what to do

Feeling left out,

What I did wrong,

I was hopeless

I didn't know what to do

My anxiety proved it all

But I kept moving forward

To the point of no return

Without a clear goal in mind

The Journey is long

And that anxiety left me

Depression is a new thing I would never understand

Spiraling abyss leading to self destruction

I don't have any clues on what to do,

What to live and why to live for

It depends on myself on doing the things

What I want to do and what I need to do

Every time I sleep

I dream of falling down

I see things

Even my family can't see

I feel things

That even the average human comprehension 

Cannot understand or relate to

Every time I sleep

I dream about nightmares that keep me up at night

The immense pain does not go away that easily

It is like a mental illness

Human pleasure is temporary

You seek it

Until you'll never be satisfied 

I type things that even my mind cannot comprehend

It is like another person typing for me

I talk about things that aren't relating to my life

I type things that even my mouth can't talk about

Why am I like this?

There is no farther question beside life itself

The simple times I cherish

The simpler times 

but at what costs?

I think about happiness 

But only guilt comes after it

Every problem is a stepping stone to the future

A thought I would have never say

A personality I have never known

I am reaching depths too deeper than that of my emotions

A greater beyond on what can my mind comprehend

A deeper meaning on what is inside of the thoughts in my head

A depth too greater than what I can reach