room 609 | r.p

n i n e t e e n

• • •

𝕤𝕪𝕕𝕟𝕖𝕪

I tend to find myself in awkward situations a lot.

On my first live show, the string of my guitar broke and flew into my eye. I ended up falling over due to the impact and over 5,000 people watched me do it.

When I had my first kiss, I accidentally gave the guy a nose bleed. He leaned into me too quick and my first instinct was to punch him. It was okay though, I still got my kiss after it.

Luke Hemmings and Calum Hood had a few beers with me on our last show together. I got that drunk that I literally don't remember anything that happened that night, not even the fact that I woke up on the top of a broken ping pong table with a penis drawn on my forehead. Don't ask me how it happened— I honestly couldn't tell you. Calum woke up with "show me ur tits" printed on his cheek and Luke had an ass drawn on his back.... again, don't ask— we don't even know.

But— none of those situations are as awkward as the one I'm in now.

I've got a large suitcase that's full to the brim next to me. I'm sitting on the coffee table of my shared apartment, it's 9 in the morning and I have everyone sitting on the couch in front of me, watching me shift uncomfortably after I've just told them the news. I haven't spoken to them for a good four weeks— this honestly could not get any worse.

"So... you're leaving for two weeks?" Chase asks, not looking too fazed about it.

"Uh-" I clear my throat. "Yeah, I should only be two weeks. That's what we planned for, anyway."

"Okay," He shrugs carelessly. "You need it, it's fine with me."

This makes me feel a little less anxious. I send him a small smile, silently thanking him for being so understanding for once.

"It's cool with me too," Drew adds, nodding along. "You've gotta FaceTime me when you get to Aus though! I wanna see the family."

I grin. "'Course, I'll call you as soon as I get there."

"I obviously don't care, I planned it anyway," Madelyn points out. "But I hope you still have a good time while you're away!"

"Thank you, Mads." I gratefully say, sending her a smile. I cant forget that without Madelyn, me having some time off probably would've never happened.

"I knew you were gonna take some time off soon, I saw it coming. It's okay though— like everyone else has said, you deserve it. Enjoy it while it lasts, Syd." Austin tells me— giving me a toothy smile. I give him the finger guns and then turn to my right, my eyes falling on the person I've been dreading to talk to the most.

It's silent when we all turn to Rudy. Him and I were on really good terms until this happened, our relationship was going so well until I decided to fuck it up. We communicated properly, hung out all the time, admitted our feelings... until I had to ruin it.

I bite my lip and fiddle with the rings on my fingers, the room now feeling ten degrees hotter. I'm cussing myself out in my head, hating the fact that I'm too scared to even say a word to the man. I'm acting like some school girl when I'm meant to be a grown woman... God, what's wrong with me?