Chrysanthemums

Chrysanthemums by Cati Sollazzo

It was my junior year and I was beyond exhausted. Piper was relying on me and dad was on the run again. His coworker ratted him out for having a ziplock bag filled with cocaine in his coat pocket. It was better than having him there though. I'd rather live with no parent at all than live with my abuser.

Dad was never the same after mom passed. The fun we used to have, and the love we used to share, it was all left in the past, gone along with my mom. He had been physically and verbally abusive since about a year after Piper was born. That moment was 9 years ago. 9 years ago, my mom took her final breath. 9 years ago, I felt loved.

Piper and I were best friends. Every day when I picked her up from school, she would bolt over to me and squeal, "'Sage!! Can I tell you about my day? Please please please!'" and then she would rant on about it! I would always look forward to that. I took care of her. I helped her get ready for school, I tucked her in at night, and, most importantly, I made sure to keep her safe when dad was home.

I don't think he had ever been able to put a scratch on her. I was practically her human shield, after all. Dad resented Piper since the day she was born. He blamed her for my mom's death because she died during childbirth. It is clear that he had to find someone to blame other than himself in order to "cope".

I had no energy anymore and every day was a constant battle with my inner demons. I felt defeated. My mental health was declining. I felt isolated and empty. I was barely hanging on, but then everything changed.

There was this new girl in my grade. She was in my math class, her name's Luna. When I first met her I thought of her as annoyingly smart and such a try-hard. She sat behind me and was always trying to talk to me. I wish I was kinder to her. She practically begged me to meet up with her after school one day to work on math homework together. I made sure it would be at my place so I was with Piper; I didn't like her being alone. It made me nervous.

I heard a knock on the door of our apartment and saw Luna through the window. Her long brown hair looked beautiful against the white snow. Her eyes lit up when she saw me coming to the door, a smile stretched across her face. Piper was full of excitement to see me hanging out with someone and Luna loved it! They had an instant connection. Luna and I had an incredible day and from then on, we were inseparable. I never thought I would let myself get close to anyone, but she was different. She was really nice and very pretty- no, that isn't good enough. She was... extremely compassionate with a heart of gold. And as for her appearance, she was ethereal.

It only took 2 months for me to fall in love with her. I knew it was fast, but she was truly the most incredible woman I had ever met. We started dating halfway through junior year. She asked me out by bringing me many different flowers. Roses to symbolize love, lilacs to symbolize growth, and chrysanthemums to symbolize death. "Til death do us part, right?", she said giggling- that was one of our inside jokes from the first cheesy romcom we watched together.

It didn't take long for things to get worse again. Dad came home. Day after day he would drink and drink until he was aggravated and ready to fight. Piper and I would lock ourselves in the bathroom for hours. This only worked for a couple of days though because he broke the door down. He grabbed Piper by the collar of her shirt and raised his fis. I grabbed it just in time and twisted his arm. He yelped and then screamed slurs at me and then repeatedly slammed me onto the ground. I told Piper to run, so she did. I still don't know where she went that day.

Dad beat me until I was unconscious. I woke up the next afternoon with Piper and Luna by my side. There was a puddle of my blood next to my head. Piper called Luna when she got home from school and saw me here. She didn't know what else to do because we would be punished if we ever called the police.

My dad had threatened us both when we were little. He said that if we called the police, he would come back and kill me while making Piper watch. He would proceed to throw our bodies in a barrel and bury her alive pressed up against my corpse. Clearly, he had a very graphic plan. We were terrified.

Piper was sobbing and Luna's was leaning over me. She tried to stay strong for my sister, but I could see the pure fear in her eyes when I awoke. Piper lied to her and said we were mugged so that we wouldn't get in trouble, but Luna saw through her lie.

The next day, I had to explain my bruises and cuts to Luna. I despised being that vulnerable. I have never opened up to someone about my parents. She didn't know anything about them. I came up with lies to protect myself once my dad came back home. I told her my house was being worked on during the day, so Piper and I would hang out at her house after school for a bit. She had asked about my parents a couple of times but I would say they were on business trips together. I couldn't hide these things from her anymore, it was too late.

I hated her for forcing me to tell her these things. My voice was scratchy and raspy from yelling at her. I was full of regret for opening up to her, I was convinced that I had risked Piper's life by doing that. I needed her to leave before my dad got home or else we would face the consequences. He didn't know I had a significant other, especially a girlfriend. He would murder me... literally. He had talked about how many gay people he had beaten, it wouldn't be safe for me or Luna if he found out.

Things escalated quickly and I screamed at her to get out. I didn't have time to explain that he was almost home. Her eyes filled with tears and she silently left the house. My heart shattered, but I had to do it to keep her safe.

Seconds later, I heard tires squealing, a scream, and a crashing sound. I went to the window, but it was dark and rainy- I couldn't see what was going on. I decided to go outside and see what had happened. "'How long did you think you could hide this from me? Hm??? I saw her walking out of our house, Sage.'", he yelled. Her body was limp in front of his truck. I sprinted to her side. I lifted up her arm. No pulse. No... this can't be real. My howling was hidden by the sound of thunder and the rain pounding on the ground. "'How could you?? I loved her'", I cried.

"'Sage, you have officially crossed the line. You're dead.'" He grabbed me by the throat and as I gasped for breath, my eyes shifted to the dead roses and lilacs. My heart had shattered and my vision was fading quickly. I looked over, and there were the chrysanthemums, blooming beautifully while I wilted away...