Bee and the Boy

Chapter 5

Skater's words play over and over in my head as I lay in my cot. "I'm sorry." 

I press my pillow over my ears, hoping that will stop the guilt. That's when the flap of my tent opens and Marina appears.

"Sleep well?" she says as she sits down at the foot of my cot, holding out a cup of coffee towards me. I sit up as I take the offering.

"I think I did something terrible." I take a cautious sip.

"Tell me about it. I was up all night with a friend. " She winks at me

"I'm serious."You know Skater.."

Marina looks outside. "I'd love to hear it, but I'm running late." She pats me on the foot before heading out. "Meet me at the main tent later, okay," she adds before taking off.

"Okay, good talk." I take another sip.

"Wait, what did you mean you were up all night with a friend?" I leap out of bed and run outside.

After putting on some clothes, I head outside. I spot Skater on clean-up duty. He looks dead inside. He doesn't see me. He has a jacket on the cover his broken wings. The guilt inside of me doesn't go away. I keep staring at him, not seeing the inattentive ringleader in front of me as I bump into him. My reflexes are quick as I grab for his top hat. 

"My apologies, Miss." He takes a bow when I hand him back his hat.

"Yeah." I look back to where Skater was, but he's gone. "My apologies," I murmur to myself. I begin to walk away, but I stop and turn around. "Can you tell me where the main circus tent is?"

"Of course." He puts his arm around my shoulder. "Go to the Ferris wheel. Once you're there you can't miss it." He points me to in the right direction. 

"Ferris wheel got it." I shrug him off over being uncomfortable with him touching me.

With a flourish of his hat and another bow, he is gone just like that. 

~

The Ferris wheel looms over me as I marvel at the size. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot the main tent. "Can't-miss it," I repeat the ringleader's words back to myself. and I see Skater again. 

"Skater!" I call while walking towards him. He looks up, ignores me, then continues sweeping up discarded garbage.

"I can't talk, I'm working." He says as he sweeps the discarded garbage left behind by the circus patrons. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Skater.."

"You wanted me to leave you alone, so that's what I'm doing."

I start to walk away, looking back at him to say something but I don't. So I head to my destination.

~

After two hours of waiting, Marina sits down beside me in the stands. "See you found this place on your own."

"Oh, yeah." I take the cup of popcorn she holds out to me. "Piece of cake."

Marina takes a kernel from my cup and pops it in her mouth. "They're looking for a new performer. The last guy upped and quit last night."

"I can't do that."

"People around here don't last long without working," Marina adds.

I think about Skater, and how even he got a job. "Isn't there something else I could do?"

"Stagefright?" She asks. In response to my silence, she adds "I can help you." I nod once slowly before we watch the show.

~

 After the performance, Marina takes my hand before I can object and leads us down to the ring. She introduces me to the ringleader, unaware that we've already met. I keep quiet as I let her do all the talking. I think about the stands filled up with people.

"Have you ever worked with animals before?" the ringleader asks, snapping me out of my daydream.

"I worked at a pet shop once last year?" I answer like I'm not sure that's good enough.

I watch as he chats with Marina. He turns to me. "I can put you on temporarily for a few days. If you do well, we can work up a contract.

"Oh, yeah, that's great," I say. Marina shakes my shoulders with a little bit of glee after he leaves.

~

I stand in the center of the ring as an older woman leads a baby shrew towards me. I shake out my hands as she shows me the proper handling techniques. I mimic her behaviour. The shrew takes well to me and knocks me over after jumping up on me.

"She likes you." the woman points out the obvious.

I begin to think, maybe I can do this. 

~

That night, I wait in the stands for Marina. an hour goes by, then two. By then I realize she isn't going to show, so I get up and leave.

I spot her later down by the post office again. Assuming she doesn't want me to see her, I duck out of sight, skipping my trip to the library altogether.

~

The next day I get ready for my first show. I take a gulp of water to calm my nerves. I convince myself that there was not much Marina could do to cure my stage fright in just one night. When. speak of the devil, she enters my dressing room.

"You didn't show yesterday." 

She sits down on a cushion next to me."I'm so sorry, something came up."

"I feel like passing out," I say as I take deep breaths.

Marina turns me to face her. "Hey, you got this." she pulls me in for a hug.

I shakily nod my head as I head out. The spotlight on the ring shines so brightly I have to shield my eyes from the sheer brilliance. It's so bright, I can't see anything except for what's in the ring. 'I can do this.' I think to myself. 

I follow the simple steps I was shown yesterday as the small shrew is lead into the ring. With a wave of my hand, the shrew jumps through the hoop in front of me. As my eyes begin to adjust to the light, I start to make out the full crowd of people watching me. I begin to panic. Then I spot Marina among them. She gives me a reassuring smile. Then I see Skater. Despite how I hurt him, he came to my show. And I feel like nothing else matters at that moment.

So I take a deep breath and continue guiding the shrew through the rest of the routine. After I finish, I take a shaky bow as I hear a few cheers coming from the crowd. I smile and look up to see Skater get up and leave. My smile begins to fade, but I brush that feeling aside and bend a knee to pet the young shrew on a job well done.