Breathless

What if you don't know?

This,

this is my message in a bottle

I cast it into a sea of ones and zeros

And if it is meant to find you

It will

It will run like a wave that crashes into the shore and pools at your feet

And you will know

You will feel each word pour inside you

And course through your veins

The interview

All I could think of was the curve of your neck

and running my hands through your hair

You reached past me

to open the door

the heat of your body blanketed me

Your brown eyes bored into me

As my breath hitched in my throat

I waited as the breathless silence filled

Tight and tense

I longed to lean into you

And bring that moment to it's natural close

You captivated me

I ached to wrap myself in the heat of your body

I dreamt of walking through the front door

and finding you

nestled into the couch

distracted by a book

I yearned to be part of your world

I tried to pry open that door

My fingers bruised and bloody

But you never let me in

Two years

I saw you, without ever really being seen by you

You hid your softness and kindness

behind a mask of bravado and manufactured confidence

you disappeared me from your world

I lived in the moments

Though there were few

when something real, raw and vulnerable slipped out

And tumbled at my feet

The Commodore

Behind your Audry Hepburn glasses

When you caught me looking at you

For a beat too long

I felt your eyes trace the lines of my face

Studying me with a hot intensity

I wish I could crawl back into that moment and relive it

But this time

I would drink my own fear

Instead of letting it consume me

And lean forward to taste your lips

This time I would scoop your hands into mine

Audience or not

Because I knew even then

That what I felt

Had burrowed so deep inside me

I would have to bleed myself to pry it out

Didn't you want me to know

Who I was to you.

This isnt enough

It never has been

I can't spend my life chasing those moments

When you forget to lock me out

I can't spend my life waiting for you

Maybe, some way, somehow this will wash up at your feet

And you will know

That I loved you

All of you