I never thought about Oranges in winter

i never thought id be a bad student

Friday, December 23, 2020

         Never in my 20 years of living would I have thought, "I am living in someone's dream but feel like it's a nightmare" my mom raised me to unreasonable standards and my dad made sure I knew the simpler enjoyments in life, but yet I can barely hold my own here. I am a 3rd year student at Tokyo university, 3rd year student, absolutely losing my mind. Between working as an intern at Pin, a major business and keeping up with the amount of work I am barely scraping by.

"Damn it's early" I whisper to my barely awake self, feeling the heat of my breath bounce off my scarf and hit my face. walking through the red gate of campus and making my way to the science lab on the east side of campus. the fluffy snow crunches and packs under me as it falls from the leafless barren trees planted around the walkway. the loose snow blowing flakes into my dark brown hair and melting. Almost nobody is on campus today, Tokyo university is an international university and gives the day before Christmas eve off. but I am still going to visit my only friend I have made here, Fukoshi, Matsuze.

building 1504 is labeled on a plaque outside the hall. hitting my shoes on the top step to know off the snow I stepped in before entering, and continuing to the lab on the right with white light peeking through under the door. I spot Fukoshi leaning over a beaker filled with water boiling over a burner. the table closest to the window letting some light in from the outside but blocked out by the overcast sky. "oh eto!" he says in a cheery voice noticing my entrance into the lab. I unwrap my white and blue scarf from my face as Fukoshi fills two mugs with hot water and tea bags.

letting the tea steep Fukoshi asks " what are you doing tonight, i know extroverts like you get pretty busy around this time ?", "Your one to talk Mr. sit in the lab all day" Fukoshi slides a mug my way knowing i hit him right in the weak point, lowering the mug from his lips he rebuts " at least I am going to party tonight" i almost choke on my tea. "something wrong Eto?, not enough milk, I know you drink it white". i was speechless. the classmate I met 1st year who i have never seen leave this lab is about to go party with a bunch a people. " you wanna tag along?" I was still recovering from choking on my tea. "you know parties aren't my scene Fukoshi" he moved to the window and watched the snow start to fall. "I came upon a realization last night Eto, University is your last chance to come out of your shell so might as well try, if you don't give it a chance now you will forever be an outcast" hunched over my mug i ponder over his words " you aren't wrong Fukoshi" "so that's a yes" fuko responds while turning to me" "yea" i mumble. "what Eto" "yes fuko ill go" "oh yes, this is wonderful" fuko removed his right hand from his lab coat pocket and out reaches both arms in an excited manner. he lower his mug onto the table and looks at me with a grim look which startles me a bit as I turn to look back up. " listen here Eto just wear something nice" "great I have to go buy new clothes" I think to myself".

by the time my meet up with Fukoshi ended it was too late to go back to my apartment to sleep so I make my way to the train station. the walk isn't long but the sheer coldness of the wind only makes it longer, leaving me trapped in my world in my head again. my body is on autopilot, my inner monologue is commentating on my life "it's so nice how your long scarf tails flow in the wind behind you" "I really like this playlist, I'm so glad I made it last night" "damn I am cold" and before long I arrive at the train station. I swipe my card at the terminal letting me pass through the spinning bars and continuing on my way to the under crowded train platform. usually this place is packed, but due to the weather and semi celebrated holiday not everybody is out and about. standing on the train platform the train rolls in through the tunnel, and we all board and i head to my seat in the back of the train, the quietness of the train is serene as the train begins to pick up speed and the music in my right earbud begins to get louder.

Pulling into Shinjuku station goes just as expected, even though Bunkyo was basically empty, Shinjuku was packed. Even though I have lived here for three years I still don't know my way around Shinjuku so I just take a gamble and head to the south east exit, at least I think I am. typing into google I find the closest clothing store which happens to be the biggest clothing chain in japan, but I don't mind. The store is pretty packed but I was able to make my way to the top floor men's section. I didn't have a choice in mind on what I wanted but if I really wanted something I'd probably end up getting it. Fortunately the store is pretty in-expensive so I wouldn't be paying an arm and a leg for an outfit. A Black sweatshirt and deep blue thin cut jeans end up in my arms, as well as some low cut black socks. the escalator in the store stops working as I am halfway down, leaving me to walk down the last six steps, I get cut off at the end of the escalator by a girl who was rushing to get to the check out, she looked way to familiar, wearing a jacket and skirt and a blue knit hat. not minding there I continue to walk myself to the checkout lane, giving me some time to admire the chaos unfolding in the the clearance and kids section of Aniqlo that girl was nowhere to be seen, my curiosity was getting the best of me, but I didn't mind it, giving me something else to think about instead of just me.

I had stuffed my small bag of clothes in my backpack as I made my way back to Shinjuku, I took a detour to grab something to eat for the closest eleven-eleven,

picking out two onigiri to eat along the way home, I was handing the cashier money when I saw that girl again, I didn't know what it was but she just kept catching my attention. I snatched my bag and raced out of the convenience store. but again I lost her, I wondered why she couldn't flee my mind, looking so familiar but looking like a stranger. Once again on autopilot I worked my way to Shinjuku again. pondering over this girl continuously.