Life of a Broken Girl into a Healing Mommy

Going DownHill

The months of March all the way up to August was great. Until he went on this trip to California and decided he wanted to change up. As he was on the trip he text me and said "when I come back I gotta talk to you". Now in my head I already know that's probably something bad. I'm anxious and just wanted to know right then and there but he wouldn't tell me. The final day of his trip he was supposed to come by my cousin house and tell me, but he didn't. Instead I woke up to a message saying..."I really fw you, & my intentions aren't to hurt you but I'm trying to work on things with my ex. It's always been us and I just can't see myself with somebody else and I can't see her with another nigga". My heart dropped in my chest, I didn't know whether to be hurt, to cry, to be mad, or to even cuss him out. I just said "ok I understand" and left it like that. My cousins decided they wanted to go to Frankies, whole time I was quiet. Most of August I just spent alone and focused on College. (Central Carolina, Major: Medical Assistant, Grad year: 2023). Around the end of August I was getting back to myself until he popped back up. Apologizing and basically wanting to come back. Like a dumb ass what I did you ask? Let him back in, my 18th Birthday was coming up September 10th. That night he took me out to eat and then I ended up staying with him. We was alright in the month of September but I was still kind of hurt. October came and it was his birthday, being drunk he sent me a picture of him and his ex. All I could've do was cry, like why do things keep happening to me. That morning he FaceTime me about "baby mama","I miss you","let's go out today". I flipped and told him what he did, because how can you act so regular. I'm guessing he asked the homeboys they told him yea and he apologized. Me being a dummy still took him back in. The rest of October was alright, November I was distant from him really. December, everything was going good until Christmas. We exchanged gifts when we woke up together, got dressed and headed out. Leaving his apartment (he moved) we went to Sonic. Waiting on our food the ex FaceTime him. Usually I'll be petty but I learned how to be mature. She told him to show the whole car he wouldn't so her stupid ass knew what was up. Once again he apologized like a sorry ass nigga and took me home finally. Later that night he text me "I'm sorry about today, but we should just stop seeing each other I can't loose this girl". Automatically I flipped because how in the hell? Now my mind is trained to just leave this nigga in year 2019. I had enough of the bullshit and I got tired of being hurt.