Betsy and The Beast

Twelve (Betsy)

I stretched in the morning sunlight and groaned, as my whole body ached. I was tender in places I hadn't even known existed, but there was a smile on my face. I had zero regrets about giving myself to Anthony. He'd been gentle enough to take my inexperience into consideration, but rough enough to make it interesting.

I reached toward the other side of the bed but came up empty. The sheets were cold, so I crawled out and looked around for something to put on. Not finding anything, I peeked into the top drawer of Anthony's dresser and found his undershirts. I pulled one on and then padded, on bare feet, out to the living room. The room had huge floor to ceiling windows the whole length of the room on one side. Anthony stood with both palms against the glass and his head lowered. Seeing his posture made me nervous. He acted defeated and I doubted I would like wherever his head was at.

"Did you look through my things?" He asked without turning around.

I stiffened, "Excuse me?"

"The shirt."

I glanced down at his shirt I was wearing. How had he known? Could he see my reflection in the glass? I frowned, "No, I did not snoop through your things. Yes, I gambled and opened one drawer of your dresser, found the shirt right away, and put it on."

He didn't say anything further and he didn't turn around. I moved into the kitchen and began pulling out things to make us breakfast. I was kind of making myself at home, but I was nervous and needed to do something with my hands.

"What are you doing?" He stood in the kitchen doorway.

"Making breakfast." I tried for upbeat.

"I don't want breakfast."

I sighed and began putting everything back in the fridge. When I was done, I turned to face him and pleaded, "Don't do this."

His jaw clenched, "I'm not doing anything. You're the one taking it upon yourself to go through my dresser and refrigerator."

I pulled his shirt off, over my head and through it at him. It bounced off his chest and hit the floor. He didn't even try to catch it. His eyes instantly began to roam over my nakedness, and I did my best to stand tall, but I really wanted to hide from him. Apparently, I'd been stupid not to expect his cold attitude to return after the night we'd shared.

I straightened my shoulders and said, "You're trying to push me away. Why?"

"We fucked, Betsy. I know you were a virgin, but you can't expect more from me."

I winced and shook my head, "I'm not asking anything of you, but I think I deserve some common courtesy."

"I made a mistake. I'll call a car for you." He said and started to turn.

I blurted, "I know about Gloria."

Why in the world I'd decided to reveal that fact, during such a shaky moment, was beyond me.  I guess I just hoped, if we got it out in the open, I could maybe help him work through his grief and move on.  I knew he'd never forget Gloria and that pain, but it was time he stopped terrorizing himself over it.  It was healthy.  I knew first-hand.

I could see every muscle in Anthony's body stiffen and the look he sent my way was not a good one. I knew I needed to tread lightly. The way he was acting toward me, after such a beautiful night was making me want to run and never look back, but I couldn't do that. Somehow, I'd fallen in love with The Beast and Grace had said to be patient with him. That's exactly what I intended to do.

I walked toward him, almost forgetting that I was naked. I shivered, almost. His eyes were no longer greedily eating me up, though. In fact, he looked mad enough to commit murder. I ignored all of that and repeated, "I know about Gloria. Last night, when I went to the restroom, Grace found me and told me about her daughter. She told me about you with your daughter and... the baby."

"Get out." He said, with anger.

"Anthony, you can't keep living like this. You can't keep shutting people out. I know. I've been doing it too, but...I let you in. Against my better judgement, I fell for you. Hard. I want to see what the future holds for us, but in order to do that, I need you to stop living in the past and stop pushing me away. Maybe I'm stupid for thinking you could feel for me, the way I feel for you.  I'm hoping one day you will though.  First, you have to let your anger and resentment go. Please. Not just for me, but for yourself. What happened with Gloria and the baby was tragic, but none of it was your fault. Yet you've been punishing yourself over it, for years!"

"Get out."  He repeated, cold and unfeeling.

"Anthony-"

"I said get out!" He yelled and I took a reflexive step back.

As I looked at him, I realized it was a lost cause. Nothing was going to get through to him. So, I nodded and went around him, toward his bedroom, looking for my dress. Then I remembered where it had landed in the entry way, when we'd gotten back the night before, and headed back that way. I had no idea where my underwear ended up, but I was calling them a lost cause. I stepped into my dress, fully intending to throw the damned thing away when I got home. I picked up my shoes and walked to the elevator on bare feet. After the doors opened, I stepped inside, and turned, gasping upon finding Anthony there watching me. His expression hadn't changed though.

I looked at my feet, biting my lip, but decided it needed to be said.  I lifted my head and met him head-on when I revealed, "I love you Anthony Chapman, but I can't be with someone who is incapable of loving me back."

With that, the doors slid closed and I let the tears fall. How in the world had I let this happen? Here I was, brokenhearted and alone once again. I'd meant what I told Anthony though. A person shouldn't go through life without letting people in. Yes, it was hard to lose them, but everything worth fighting for was bound to be hard. If only Anthony was willing to fight for me too. I just didn't have the strength to fight for the both of us, not when he was putting up walls at my every turn.