The Depth of Green

Chapter 17

Chapter 16 recap: We learn the significance of December 24th in Japan, and Minami is booted into the fifth rank. The gang has a cute, bantering scene, and Yuri goes to the showing on Christmas Eve, anxious for what he thought might be coming. AND LO AND BEHOLD, Otabek asks to mate him, Yuri refuses, tells his story, confesses his love, and runs when confronted with Otabek's silence. And, folks, believe me when I tell you that it ONLY GETS WORSE. XD

Sorry! I always forget to post on Wattpad. :/

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Mila found him later -- he didn't know how much later, only that it was later -- in his closet, broken and unresponsive and sobbing so hard he couldn't speak. Minami was at her heels, and Yuri registered his voice, frightened, asking her what had happened. He didn't hear her response, but knew a moment later that two sets of arms were embracing him, the second trembling slightly. Of course, Minami had never seen him break down like this. Truthfully, neither had Mila, not so completely or on this scale.

They held him anyway.

***

It was better this way, that's what he kept telling himself; it was better, for both of them, though he couldn't say he truly believed it. In a way, the scenario was Schroedinger's cat, just another example of metaphysical realism and why Yuri hated it.

He would never see Otabek again, that was a given, and so, without any information on his whereabouts and wellbeing, Yuri could believe whatever he wanted. He could subscribe to the version of events that was most likely to be the truth: that Otabek would fly back to America that day, Yuri a bitter, repulsive aftertaste of Japan. Or, he could follow his own line of events, however improbable they were. Yuri could choose to believe, no matter what logic dictated, that Otabek had gone home with a hole in his heart, that he still loved him desperately, but had decided to leave him to his own life. Yuri liked that idea better, that Otabek loved him, would continue to love him, until his dying day, but only ever from afar. He could create his own reality, and what was real to him was Otabek's devotion from across the seas.

Still. That didn't make it any easier to get out of bed. Minami had begged, pleaded, disregarded everything Yuri had told him as far as not associating with him in public, but Yuri had refused. He didn't want dinner, he didn't want breakfast, he didn't care if the guards would drag him downstairs for it anyway, he wasn't hungry. Astoundingly, his absence at dinner hadn't resulted in any punishment that Yuri could perceive; if he were in a better state, he might've wondered why this was, but right now contented himself with shutting his eyes, figuring that Mila had had something to do with it.

He appreciated it more than words could say.

Yuri had had bad break-ups in the past, but this-- this was something he never could've imagined. It was like a physical pain, squirming through his intestines and sending his head swimming whenever he so much as tried to think about the man he'd never see again. So tangible was this anguish that it almost overwhelmed the discomfort of the baby kicking him, tantruming about something or other-- the lack of food, most likely. He couldn't bring himself to care too much: two missed meals wouldn't kill them, and he'd get up again when he felt better, for right now he couldn't even begin to contemplate leaving his bed, old and uncomfortable though it was.

He just... he needed a minute. A minute to grieve. A minute to resign. Because even if Otabek did still love him, it was still from afar, and that was still a hard pill to swallow.

He could swallow it tomorrow.

***

Mila glanced up from the top of the table, searching for a head of blond among the milling brunets. A snatch of gold glinted in her peripheral vision and she let out a small sigh of relief, smiling to herself as she turned in her seat to face-- Minami, scurrying up to her with his brows drawn taut, his dyed-blond hair the mistaken beacon of hope.