If This Was A Movie, You'd Be Here By Now

Chapter 4

A week passes and Cas still hasn't come by. Every time Dean brings it up — usually to Sam but occasionally to others as well — he's hit with the reminder that they haven't seen Jack either. He thinks it's supposed to be reassuring, but the fact that Cas and Jack are likely out there changing the world doesn't do much to quell his disappointment about Cas's continued absence.

There comes a point when Dean stops mentioning Cas entirely. He knows he'll just get the same response, a little more exasperated each time, and it never makes him feel any better. That doesn't stop him from thinking about Cas, though, as much as he wishes he could. There's one thing in particular that's been bugging him over the past couple of days, and, finally, he decides he has to ask.

"Hey, Sam?" Dean says hesitantly, breaking the silence that had stretched on for the entirety of their walk to the bakery so far.

"What's up?" Sam asks. He seems cheerful, but, again, this is Heaven. It would only make sense that he's enjoying it. If anything, it's Dean's uncertainty that must be out-of-place.

Dean takes a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for an answer he's not sure he wants. "Did you ever tell Cas that you loved him?"

Sam looks down at him with a frown. "Dean, Cas knows we love him."

"But have you ever told him that?" Dean asks. "Did anyone ever tell him that?"

"Yeah, probably," Sam says. "I mean, we've known him for 12 years. I'm sure one of us has said it before."

"So you're not sure," Dean surmises. "You don't know if anyone's ever told him they love him."

Sam sighs. "All I know is that Cas is family. I know it. You know it. He knows it. If it's bothering you that much, tell him next time you see him, and when he says 'I know,' I will be the first one to make a Star Wars joke."

Dean wishes more than anything that he had as much faith as his brother. A month ago, Dean is sure he would have said the same. For the longest time, Cas was like a boomerang. No matter how hard Dean threw him away, he would always come back. Dean had always assumed that was because he knew they loved him. It's only now starting to sink in that the reality is that Cas came back because he loved them.

Because he loved Dean.

The one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have.

He really has no idea, does he?

Dean lets out a long breath. "You know, I don't really want pie right now."

Sam stops in his tracks, gaping at him. "You don't want pie."

Dean gives a small shrug. "I've got the rest of eternity to eat pie. I think I'm gonna hold off for now."

Sam scoffs. "Who are you and what have you done with my brother?"

Dean rolls his eyes, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, get all your jokes out now."

"You know I will," Sam says. He eyes his brother for a moment, then asks, "This isn't still about Cas, is it?"

"Of course not," Dean lies.

"Okay, good," Sam says, though he still seems unconvinced. "Because Cas would definitely tell you to eat some pie if he was here."

But he's not here.

"I know," Dean says, and it's true. Cas has always seemed to like watching Dean eat his beloved pie. Dean can still picture that little smile he would always wear, showing both his adoration and his amusement. "I'm just not feeling it today. I'll see you later, though, okay? Don't have too much fun without me."