the end of my fucking world

welcome .

If I'm thinking about my childhood, I usually think it was pretty good.
I was loved by everyone, I had friends too many to be honest and no one told me what I'm doing is wrong. I could live my fullest life and I were free.
I traveled a lot, to so many countries for example thailand, hongkong, spain , italy and many more.
I had may adventures and when I were sad there were always people who made me happy again. Everywhere were people who gave me compliments and made me happy.
But time flies and as I grew older, more stuff happened. Lost my dad at the age of 9, started to have a bad relationship with my mom, grandpa has a alcoholic problem, brother doesn't want to do things with me, grandma got cancer and much more.
And still, every time I were with someone I put a smile on.
Yes I do showed that I'm sad but mostly it was because I was lovesick.
No one noticed what was going on with me.
My mom yelled at me and told me so many times that I'm so stressful and a bad child.
I never heard that she tell me she is proud of me unless I asked her.
Than she was wondering why I went distant.
Than in the age of 13 I struggled with my sexuality. No one who told me i will be loved with being not hetero.
I was scared that my family will hate me even tho I knew they are kind of open minded.
People told me I exaggerate when I'm happy, yes I do exaggerate but maybe because I want to keep my happiness as long as possible.
People hurt me a lot with their words.
One day I heard I'm too fat for my ethnicity, that's when my eating disorder started. Eating nothing for weeks and that eating too much and gain more back. Everyone were judging me.
And one day I couldn't hold it anymore.
I cried and cried in class.
Luckily my teacher was bringing me out and asked me what's wrong.
She offered her time for me, I never thought this could be true.
But if you think that everything turned good than you are wrong.
Sure I feel better sometimes but just read my story.