Anorexia story

clueless

I don't know how to explain what I was feeling. It was sadness, madness, loneliness.
I felt mad because I wanted to eat, but if I eat, I get fat, if I don't then my metabolism will slow down, and I'll get fatter. My life was a big IDK. Honestly I couldn't picture myself fat, even if I tried... I couldn't I'd rather die. It was awful. I decided to start healthy. (Healthy to me meant for breakfast only half a banana,for lunch half an apple.) that was very wrong. I didn't see it back then.
Often at night I would wake up crying because my mind said I was fat & ugly, I would wake up and cut. I felt a relief that I've never felt, and it felt amazing. It made me feel like I had control. After I cut I would plan what I would have. It took over my mind. Day and night all I could obsess was over food, no other interest. I was losing friends, and most of all my life.