for when I need to get something off of my chest

forgive me

"Look, don't be mad. I-"

"What? I have every reason to be mad. And you know that pretty well."

"You're right, but I can explain myself. It-"

"Oh, now I'm curious. Go ahead and tell me what exactly justifies you treating me like shit."

"You know that I didn't mean to hurt you. I... I never wanted things to go south like this. It's not about you in general, it's just... I wanted to make you better, for our sake. And-"

"Don't even try to tell me that this was to our best. This was about you trying to profit from my suffering. You did it because you despise the way I look and thought that my appearance would effect you negatively. So, tell me: The sole reason for you to treat someone like they're worth just as much as the dirt on this ground is the way they look? You justify torturing someone by your perception of their body and reduce them down to their looks. Do you always walk around judging others this shallow?"

"No! I would never do this to someone else... That would be cruel."

"But when it comes to me, it isn't? What happened to you? Since when are you the one to decide who deserves appreciation and who doesn't? You're hurting me and act like it's totally fine!"

" Just stop it already! You can't compare the way I treat you to the way I treat others, it's not the same. It's enough!"

"I should be the one to say when enough is enough, not you! So shut it and listen. You're right: It's not the same. It's even worse. You treat me like I'm nothing when I'm literally the one keeping you alive! 

You were the one poking me in places where my skin was a little squishier, frowning in disgust while observing me in the mirror. You were the one denying me my needs while I kept you alive! You kept reducing me to skin and bone, trying to make me as small as a little child. You didn't honor my right to be the way I was meant to be. 

And even though I suffered while you ignored my cries, I stayed strong for you. I helped you to push through long days, kept you standing on to feet even though my legs where trembling from the exhaustion. I managed to work properly despite the low energy you provided me and the pain you inflicted on me. And you? You ignored my warnings when I was scared that we wouldn't make it much longer, when I realized that things needed to change before the damage would've been irreversible. You even hated me for trying to save us by taking things into my own hands and making the decisions for us. You... You accused me of manipulating you when all I ever wanted was to save you! 

So don't you dare to put the blame on me when things don't go the way they're supposed to. I'm not your punching bag. I'me the only one who will stay when everything else falls apart and leave, I'm the closest and most loyal friend you have."

I let out a heavy sigh, trying to release the knot of emotions which burdened my heart. With a sole tear running down my cheek, I wrapped my arms around my body and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry, please forgive me.", I whispered under my breath, trying to soothe the one I keep hurting daily: My body.

"I forgive you and I always will.", it replied softly, seemingly content with the remorse that resonated in my voice, "But please, promise me one thing: Don't ever put me in the place of an enemy ever again. Although I'm strong, I'm not sure how much more I'll be able to take the next time."