[ boyxboy ]
Lennon Lewis doesn't feel quite alright. He is slowly but surely reaching for the stars with his rock band and is adored by everyone who meets him. He should be happy. But he's either too high or too low. The sweet relief is only tempora...
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"I'm going crazy, let's go out."
"No Len, I'm not letting you go to Matty Sinclair's party a week after you overdosed." Jorja is arranging her letters on a green Scrabble board on Lennon's sofa.
"You've got to stop saying word overdose Jorja. Fucking hell. It wasn't that bad. They let me go the next day."
"You collapsed just before entering the stage. You were unconscious and the medics carried you out on stretches. I thought you were dying, Lennon Lewis. " There is a beat of silence, only disturbed by Jorja's sharp intake of breath.
"Fuck, come here." Lennon's arms are squeezing her tightly, he is burying his face in her hair, inhaling the scent of home, clinging to her. "I still can't believe I did this to you. Please, all I need you to know is that is not your fault, Jo, I hid it from you, there's really no way you could have known. I'm sorry. I am the shittiest friend in the world and I don't deserve you."
"No, you're the best friend and I love you, and I hope you learn to love yourself too and realise someone rejecting you doesn't mean you have to reject yourself. I hope you learn to let go of the things not meant for you."
"Yes, I will try. And I love you too."
"How are you feeling now? " Lennon doesn't know how to answer that question. His instinct answer is fine but he knows that he is not fine. He spent most of the days in his bed, taking naps during the day because he couldn't sleep at nights. He has nightmares and then can't fall back asleep because his mind is itching for just one little pill. Then he would frantically go around the room, opening the drawers and checking pockets of his jeans. Jorja and Sam are usually always there in the house, often sleeping in his big king sized bed so eventually they would wake up and try to calm him down, make him tea or just switch the TV on and silently watch another documentary about serial killers on Netflix.
One night he even tried to escape the house but Nate caught him by the gate, pinning him down while Lennon was desperately trying to break away from his hold. His entire body was shaking, and he swore while Nate whispered it's ok it's ok it's ok. Nate is the one that doesn't leave his side. Nate feels guilty for not noticing something was wrong and for lashing out on Lennon on that night when it all happened. Lennon knows that he would never forgive himself if anything worse happened. They haven't really talked much about it, neither of them seems to know where to start. Liam calls him everyday too. A lot of people send him messages and wish him speedy recovery.
Lennon hates when he comes across the article about him in the magazines or online. Or when one of them mentions the topic of rehab. Or when he gets a text from William.
He got five text messages from William, one every day since he came to visit him in the hospital. He remembers kissing him and that memory seems to numb the itch beneath his skin at least for a moment. Guilt and frustration is written all over his face when he reads the messages, guilt because he is constantly reminded of the fact that he punched William in the face because he made him so fucking angry by offering help. And frustration because for whatever reason - he started kissing him.
