The Friends of Killie

The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think.                                   -Richard Bach

I am Killie. People say I am very pretty. But I don't believe that. How can you believe something like that? They also say I am generous, kind, smart, and polite. They say a lot of things. I think they just want to make me smile. I can't believe anything they say. How can I? What if, what if I was to say, the people weren't real. That they were, and are, just a figure of my imagination. Would you then leave me to fight this battle, on my own or would you stay and watch as my story slowly unfolds?

My friends, so many words could describe them. Magical. Lively. Beautiful. The way they talk, enchants me just to listen. There are so many of them, that I almost always meet someone new, everyday. Although, I always see Ninya. A beautiful girl. She speaks with so much knowledge, that I can't help but believe her. Her hair is a shining white. Her eyes, blue as the sky. I love my friends so much but sometimes, sometimes I question them and when I do, something bad happens. I loose faith in all I know. I can't think straight and then I cry. My mommy tells me that I should, should be proud of my friends and that I should not cry over spilt milk. But, I didn't spill my milk, I argued with her. She would laugh at me and I would cry again. 

My friends get mad at me when I doubt them and send Madison. She shouts in anger and throws things at me. She screams and rambles on about how I was ungrateful for what they do. I would sputter out that I was grateful while cowering under my bed and praying that she would stop throwing things and just leave me be. I once spoke outloud my thoughts of her and her red hair flamed. I screamed and she threw her flame at me. I crawled farther under my bed and she followed under but her hair wasn't flaming anymore. She was smiling and was nice. She said I couldn't doubt them anymore or she would have to be mean again. I nodded my understandment and she whispered to me, telling me it was okay. I never looked at Madison the same again. She was my bestest friend along with Ninya and Kirya. But, my fear of her never dulled and I always feared that if I said the wrong thing that I would see her hair turn back to flames.

Kirya always comforted me. She never came during the day, only during the night. She would lay in my bed with me and listen to my stories of what happened during the day. I, once, told her of how Madison acted when I doubted them. Kirya seemed angry and I feared her hair would turn to flames, too. But they didn't. She smiled and the anger left her eyes. She said that it was Madison's job to make sure that I behaved as wanted. I didn't understand but Kirya changed the subject and I let her.  Soon, I would grow tired and I fell asleep with her long brown hair tickling my arms, while she sang lullabyes to me.

I never spoke my doubts outloud again, except one other time. I had been watching a show with mommy and the lady on the show was crazy and saw things. I asked her if I was crazy. She smiled and laughed but didn't reply. I was so sad that I excused myself to my room. Madison soon came to play and I asked her if she would ever leave. She said not unless I wanted her too. The very next day, I let it slip that I was doubting them again. Madison grew so angry and her hair flamed. She started screaming and yelling at me. I couldn't help it and I yelled that I wanted her to leave! Her hair calmed and her eyes slowly dimmed. She simply nodded and disappeared. I was so sad and depressed at what I had just done.

Kirya didn't come to me that night and Ninya or Madison didn't come and see me the next day. I was so depressed that I didn't leave my bed. Mommy called the doctor, while daddy stayed in my room and talked to me. But, it didn't make me feel any better. The doctor couldn't distinguish what was wrong with me and daddy never left my room. I stayed in bed all that week and only left to go to the restroom and then soon crawled back into bed. Mommy brought me food but I didn't eat and the worry grew on my parents' faces. But then on that next Monday, daddy had to work, I rolled over and Ninya was sitting in the chair daddy always sat in. I squealled and hugged her. She said that Madison was mad and so was everyone else and that was why they didn't come and visit me. I apoligized to Madison when she came to play and she accepted.

Mommy once told me that when life gives me lemons that I should make lemonade. I didn't understand. First, I didn't like lemons. Second, when did life ever hand me lemons? Ninya came and explained it to me and then she left. I sat in my bed that whole day and Madison didn't come to play but I didn't mind. Then, later on in the night I screamed.'Mommy!' Mommy and daddy came running and swung my door open. They looked truly worried. Then I asked the question that had been forming in my head all day. 'Why is it, when life hands us questions we can't find the answers?' I asked. Daddy and mommy exchanged glances but didn't say anything. Mommy smiled but didn't reply. Daddy kissed me on the forehead and said goodnight. They then left shutting my door silently, leaving me to wonder.