Ghosts

Part 17 Epilogue From The Grave

It had been a hard couple of days for Tracy since she learned about Jay-Jay's death. Even though they hadn't been close over the years, he was still her brother. She knew what he'd been through, she knew what he'd set out to do, and she knew why things had happened the way they had, but it didn't make it any easier for her. She hadn't slept too good the last few nights and even though it was getting on for 11.00 a.m she was still laying in her bed, lost in her thoughts when her husband Tom entered the room. He smiled at her and handed her a cup of tea. She sat up and took it from him.

"How are you doing baby?" He asked

"I'm ok" she smiled.

"You sure?"

"Got to be haven't I?"

"You need anything?" he asked

"No," she said, "And I'll get up soon"

"No rush," He said, "Enjoy your tea. Oh, and there's some mail for you"

He left the mail on the bedside cabinet for her and left the room.

She sipped her tea for a moment before placing it down and picking up the letters. She thumbed through them, most of them uninteresting until she came to a handwritten one. She was intrigued. She put the others down and opened it. As soon as she began to read, her chin wrinkled with emotion and the tears welled in her eyes. It was from Jay-Jay

Dear Sis.

I thought I'd better write this, say a few of the things I never got to say to you in person, and now I never will. First of all, I want to say I'm sorry. Sorry I wasn't there for you. Sorry I was never the brother you deserved. I know our circumstances when we were little didn't help things, but if I hadn't have been such a dick, maybe we could have stayed together. When we didn't, I didn't do enough to find you. When I was old enough, it was the first thing I should have done and I didn't, so again I'm sorry. I'm just glad I did eventually get some time with you, and Mum. I got to say goodbye. Maybe I didn't deserve that chance and I know I didn't deserve you, so Thank you. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of and I know you knowing it will sour your feelings towards me, but people need to know. So tell the police, tell the press, tell whoever needs to know. Mickey's family, Sheldon's wife. Whoever needs to know.

It was me who killed Felicity Henry Stockard, under orders from Vincent Stockard. She had cheated on him and he wanted her dead. I pulled that trigger. The first of many triggers I pulled and the first of many people I hurt. It was also me that killed the little girl in Redmond towers all those years ago. I'll never forget her face. She was caught in the crossfire of a gang shootout. That doesn't make it any better, but if her parents are still out there, living with that loss with nowhere to direct that anger, now they know it was me. If I could change that I would. In a heartbeat, if I could go back and take her place that night I would. But all I can say is sorry.

That's why I got out of that life I was living, That's why I left the capital and that's what took me to Cadmouth, That's what took me to Natasha. The very moment I met her I fell in love. That sounds cheesy I know, but it's true. Her eyes, her smile, her hair, her laugh, the way she smelt, everything about her drew me to her. I know I didn't deserve her, After all I had done how could I deserve to be that Happy? I didn't, but I was, and it was all down to her. The nine years I had with her were the best years of my life. Years I could be proud of. She made me a better man. She made me into a man I wanted to be, and it was Mickey, Sheldon, Justin, Luke, and Vincent Stockard who took her from me. It was them who shot her that night. It was them who put me in a coma. I believe I died that night. I died when she died. The only reason I was left here without her was to avenge her. That's what I believe. I was left here to make them pay for what they did, and that's what I'm doing.

I know what I'm doing is horrible. Having to do these things is horrible, but it has to be done. I know the world probably thinks I'm some kind of monster, and I understand why they would, but I'm not a monster. I'm a monster killer. As I put pen to paper, Luke and Vincent are still alive. If I fail to complete my goal, please make sure they face justice for their crimes. Don't trust Detective Haig either, he's dirty. They own him. I'm not planning on being around when this is over, that's why I'm sending you this. So the story can be told, so people know the truth. If any innocents are hurt during this I can only apologize, but I swear I'm trying to limit the damage I do.

Just know, I don't want any sympathy or mourning, I don't deserve anybody's tears. Every morning I wake up without her, it's pain. Every time I sleep without her, it's pain. I see her face every time I close my eyes and It's pain. She was my Life, and she took it with her when she went. I don't want to be here without her, and besides, how can I punish these men for the things they've done when I've done the same things to others. So I will take my punishment also, I'll make sure I pay for the things that I've done. All I can ask is that I'm buried alongside her, because that's where I need to be, with her.

Take care sis, Make sure Tom looks after you, although, I know you and I know that you will take care of him. It's who you are. Go to the hospital and tell Tiffany I said thank you. She helped me when I was at my most vulnerable and none of this would be possible without her so tell her Jay-Jay said thanks.

Goodbye Tracy

I love you

Jay-Jay......