Lean On Me || Fluff One Shot

Lean On Me

Failure

Weak

Incompetent

Disappointment

Killua sits in front of the toilet in their bathroom, waiting for it to rise up through his esophagus. He can feel it coming, he just hopes it doesn't take too long. Gon might get worried if he's in there any longer.

Killua hunches over the toilet seat, vomiting. His legs shake, his face is unusually pale, and he feels as if he can't breathe.

When he's done vomiting, he slowly stands up to wash his face and hands.

"Killua?" Gon knocks on the door. "Killua are you alright?"

No. Killua bites his lip. He wants to tell Gon what's wrong but he can't. He doesn't have the strength to.

"I-I'm fine Gon." Killua can't hide the shaking of his voice. "Just.. maybe a little sick. It's nothing."

Gon doesn't say another word. He goes out to sit on their couch and wait for Killua to come out.

Killua takes some foundation from behind the mirror to hide how pale he's become. And the bags under his eyes. After covering his face in setting spray, he opens the door and leaves.

Gon looks up at him. Killua feels naked and exposed under his eyes. Like Gon can see right through all of his lies. Each breath Killua takes feels hot and makes him feel lightheaded as he walks to the couch. His heart pounds, threatening to burst out and reveal everything Killua's kept quiet about. All of his deepest secrets. Everything that he can't tell even Gon. His best friend, his lover.

Nonetheless Killua takes his seat next to his husband. He curls up, pulling his knees to his chest and leaning against Gon. Gon wraps one arm around him, holding the TV remote with the other.

Killua can tell Gon knows something's not right. And no doubt Gon is blaming himself for whatever it is. And for Killua not telling him.

It's not your fault...

It's mine...

Killua bites his lip, his stomach churning again. He feels it rising in his throat. Turns out he wasn't quite done turning his guts inside out.

Killua hurks, holding a fist to his mouth. He gets up from the couch and quickly rushes to the bathroom, vomiting once again in the toilet.

Gon stands up and runs to his side, worried. "Killua! Killua? What-"

"I-I'm fine." Killua pukes more. "Don't- worry about me."

Gon narrows his eyes. "What are you not telling me, Killua? Do you really think I'm going to believe that you're fine?"

Killua sighs shakily. "Please... just forget this happened."

"Too bad." Gon wets a cloth, cleaning Killua's face. "I'm worried about you. Whether you like it or not. I'm not going to simply forget it when the love of my life is clearly in pain."

Killua sighs. "Gon, it's nothing. Really. This just happens sometimes."

Gon takes Killua's hands in his. "Please, my love. Talk to me?"

Killua looks away. He's never told anyone about this. Not even his parents or Illumi or Alluka. He was scared of them being disappointed in him.

"Gon it's really nothing. I'll be fine in a couple days-"

"Killua." Gon pleads. "I'm really worried about you. Please, for my sake? Just tell me what's wrong?"

Killua sighs, sitting down on the bathroom tile. Leaning against the wall. Gon sits at his side.

"Look, I was trained from an early age to do many things. And I... my parents never knew, but I'm not as immune to poisons as they or anyone else thinks. Instead of fully adapting to it, my body rejects it. Maybe the doses my parents would give me back then weren't enough or they were too much and that's why I am this way. But every month, like clockwork, my body rejects all of the poisons I'd taken in." He tells him. "So really, it's nothing to worry about. This is normal-"

"Of course it's something to worry about!" Gon snaps. "Killua- if you're not immune that means it's killing you! There's no way you can possibly puke up all the poisons you'd consumed every month. Your body absorbs things like a sponge! And look at you- you're thin and pale. Even more so than usual."

Killua sighs. "Gon. I'm fine alright? I always feel better after a couple days."

"I think we should call Leorio." Gon says. "Maybe he can help- and no more poison! Training or not. We should probably evaluate the medications you're taking, too. And we need to get you tested for allergies-"

"Gon, you're overreacting."

"Of course I am!" Gon runs his hands through his hair. "I love you, Killua. More than anything. What if our roles were reversed? We both know you'd incapacitate me just to get my stubborn ass to listen and take care of myself."

Killua chuckles. He can't deny that.

"I love you, and I'm worried about you." Gon says soothingly. "So just... let me be a little paranoid and selfish of you, okay? I'll schedule an appointment with Leorio. I'm monitoring all your medication from now on. And we're getting you checked for allergies. You're not allowed near anything that could possibly be poisonous."

Killua sighs. "You say that like you think I'd just randomly decide to drink a bottle of bleach."

"You've literally done that. When we were kids. Just to give anyone walking by a heart attack."

Killua laughs. "Okay okay, you have a point."

"Of course I do." Gon smiles. "Neh, Killua?"

"Yeah?"

"If something's bothering you, whether it's something extreme or miniscule, you know you can lean on me, right?" Gon cups Killua's face.

Killua sighs, smiling. "Of course. I was an idiot to keep this from you. Sorry... I won't do it again."

Gon hugs Killua tightly. "Good."

Word Count: 960