I Miss You

The unwritten parts.

My mind and heart open up with the feeling of misery, not because im sad. but because I'm bringing pain to another, she's my light from the darkness, my rock when i can't stand she's my world... the only problem is im hurting her, im sending her into depression, and abyss of blackness all because i can't stop from messing things up. i tell her i love her, and that she's my everything, my soul mate but i don't ever do anything to show it. i've said i can change, i've tried to change but when it gets to be a challenge i fall and go back to my old ways, i feel when she hurts, im a very jealous person when i know another guy is talking to her but i try to hide it, with a simple LOL or some wise crack to lighten the mood. every tear that comes from her beautiful eyes is an angel falling from heaven, i sit and ponder about what makes her stay with a mistake like me, im not attractive, sencitive, i don't have money, i live like a wanna be gangster, when im just a small boy in a big world, i have no good traits, and to make things better im an emotional wreck from my father abandoning me, im a pathetic creature of the damned, and somehow she see's this nice young man in me, i know it's love, but i fear everyday that she'll find someone better then me, even tho i tell myself she deserves better which she does. but it'll  drive me insane to lose her, our lives together is what i hope fate wants becasue im willing to fight fate on it, but i know when she desides enough is enough and she leaves i won't be able to stop her, the tears will burn, the pain, will hurt, and i'll know the pain i've put her threw.

this is it for tonight, i'll type agian very soon, sincerly the abyss thought of this screwed up brain

the heart beats fast the eyes see all the beauty, i love her so much my heart is hers and hers only, i stand here in my room thinking of what can be, what our lives hold in store for us, i picture the wedding of our dreames the honeymoon that would make the stars in the night sky jealous, the house from which our grand children will own, when they start to raom this world, these are the journals of a black brain and a heart of a creature. the thoughts of our lives pass threw my eyes when im awake to while im asleep, i see everything of my dreams and only one part is the same and thats the woman i share it with, i know she's my soul mate i can feel it in my blood, i wish every second of every minute of everyday she were in my arms, and snuggled up to me where i could smell her wounderful scent, and feel her back agianst my chest as i held her for hours apon hours. it's said it takes a guy 8.5 seconds to fall in love. well i saw an angel trapped by a jail keeper and i set her free i saw what he had and how he treated her and i won her heart and the only thing i can think of is.... how im treating her the same way as he did, only difference im destroying her heart, the most voulnerable, and important thing to me and all im doing is destroying it, i should be ashamed, but i stand with pride why? well maybe bc im lost in my fantasy land of everything will be alright when the dark truth is... im gonna lose her