Death Never Stopped Me Before

|Chapter 11|

|1997|
Harry was trembling and no matter what he tried, it wouldn't stop. His breath was going out in short, frenzied bursts, and the motion was making him dizzy. Harry sucked in another sharp breath, squeezing his eyes together tightly, trying with all his might to gather his wits. At some point in his panic, Harry had managed to stumble out of Dumbledore's office and made his escape.

Everything was so wrong now, how was he supposed to fix it? Harry didn't know what to do! Tears stung in his closed eyes and his entire body ached with indecision. He'd retrieved the vial of memories from Slughorn as Dumbledore wanted, and Dumbledore had finally told him the truth, and suddenly, Harry wanted to curse his past self for wanting to know so badly. What Harry would give to forget, to never know.

Tom, the man who murdered his parents, the man who Harry had somehow managed to fall in love with, the man he gave everything to, the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, had split his soul!

Harry choked on an unexpected sob. Tom was in so much pain as a child that he had willingly ripped himself to shreds! How could he live like that? Harry could feel his heart breaking, the thought that the man he cared so much about was so broken, and destroyed inside...

It explained a lot, too. Harry knew that Tom wasn't all there, but Harry could look past it because Harry loved Tom. Harry loved Tom and he just wanted everything to be different. He wished he wasn't in the middle of a war. He wished Tom and him weren't on opposite sides. He wished Tom had never killed his parents. He wished Tom was whole.

Could they even be together, really together if Tom was broken?

Would they ever really be happy together the way Tom was now? Harry recalled the way Tom's gentle and loving figure would slip every now and then, showing his dark and possessive mannerisms hidden below a charming facade. Those instances where his desire to own Harry overruled his desire to keep Harry safe and happy. Harry shivered.

Those little moments where Tom lost himself in his greed for power, those moments scared him. Harry tried his best to ignore those moments, not wanting their relationship to be tainted, but deep down, Harry knew it was problematic.

All Harry wanted was to live in the cottage with Tom. Was that too much to ask? Was it? No war, no Boy-Who-Lived, no Death Eaters, no Light versus Dark, no right and wrong. Just Harry, Tom, a few chickens, and the beautiful Sunflower garden. Simple, sweet domestic bliss.

Harry sighed, another tear slipping down his cheek. He would never have that life with Tom, not now. Not until the war ended, not until the Wizarding World was at peace. Not until Tom was sane.

Tom, the way he was now, was not sane. Not even close. He barely had half of his soul inside of him! Harry knew that when he destroyed the diary, a sliver of Tom's soul returned to him and made him stronger. If only he could find all the Horcruxes and heal Tom.

Harry froze, his eyes widening at the thought.

He could... He could do that, couldn't he? It was what Dumbledore wanted, so it wasn't like he was betraying his trust. If he did that, Tom would be healed and sane and they could finally fix the Wizarding World and be together.

But... Harry frowned, slumping back against the harsh stone wall. Tom wouldn't want Harry to do that. Would it be betraying Tom, even if it was for his own good? The very thought made Harry clench his teeth. Who was he to decide what was for his own good? Harry hated it when people decided things for Harry without telling him, there was no way he'd do that to Tom.

Harry nodded, determined. It was decided then. Harry would go and see Tom and bring up the idea and his concerns. Surely Tom would listen, right?