Eating Disorders - A day at a time.

Introduction

Hey there and welcome to my public "journal". I don't want to expose my identity so we'll just call me Anonymous Girl. Weird I know, but its the best i could think of. Anyway I apologize in advance because this entry is going to be wrote all out of sorts. I'm just writing how i would if i were to be using pen and paper. Only thing is, i don't want people in my home reading my very personal and private struggles. I don't like people knowing I'm vulnerable. so I decided to just write here and hopefully others who also are on the road to recovery or thinking about recovering find my journal entries helpful.

❌Not pro ED❌

** Please don't report as I use this website as an outlet to vent & share my struggles with recovery. We are not all perfect, & I try as best as possible to share the 100% truth to recovery. I hope that others whom have the same struggles as me can find comfort in knowing it is an uphill battle, but we can all make it as long as we keep trying. **

My Story (Trigger Warning)

- If you are easily triggered I don't recommend reading any further. -

Not going crazy into details but I'll give a simple quick little run down. Maybe in the future if people are interested I can explain a little more.

Everything started when I was a teen. I was overweight and decided I was going to try a lose a few pounds. I did a quick google search like people do and got links to sites that gave weight loss advice. A lot of the sites said quit sugary drinks. I thought easy enough so I decided that I would give up drinking soda and most juices. About a month in I noticed I dropped weight. Not going to say exactly how much, but it was enough to notice a difference and want to continue to go further in and see what else i could do to lose weight. I did yet again another google search and it kept popping up links with more and more fad diet advice. The next was cutting out certain foods. I did as the site said and well, you guessed it... I lost MORE weight. The restricting caused me to get into a bad habit of thinking certain foods were bad for me and i didn't need them. Overtime I only had a few "safe foods". I was in and out of the doctors office and they were noticing my weight loss and thought it was great! UNTIl one time i went and they asked me if i was purposely losing all this weight? They knew.. I was refereed to a therapist, psychiatrist, had to get EKG regularly, the whole 9 yards. This went on for years till one day it stopped. I don't know how, but it did. But from all the damage i did in the past to my body, i still currently have issues which are from my past.

The Present

Nope, that wasn't all of my story. I have more... Now I have gained all my weight back plus some! I went from anorexia to another self destructive disorder. Binging and restricting... I restrict and eat close to nothing then I binge and eat 3,000 plus calories. This has caused me to have gastrointestinal issues, constipation (tmi im sorry) extreme bloating from any and everything i eat because my body now cant handle digesting food very well. I have terrible GERD, anxiety, etc... I am still scared to eat certain foods because they're not "safe" in my mind. And I am looking to recover and develop a healthy relationship with food and become the best healthy me that i can be. And I hope that by writing here I can find the support I need and be the support others like myself need.

I am choosing recovery! And so can you. <3