Trustworthy

___

Stunned, I stared blankly at the last page, glad that I had the floor beneath me for support. Despite everything dawning on me rather quickly, I couldn't begin to fathom my feelings on what I had just read. It was crazy to think that I had always been so unaware of Mom's life. I had been too young to recall anything before our move to Jersey, where all my memories were centered. It pained me to think that Mom had to relocate all because of a man who mistreated her and now see that part of her past as a dark place. A dark place tainted by traumatic memories and experiences. That she went through all alone, since she had nobody.

Sighing slowly through my nose, I closed my eyes, my skin uncomfortably hot, and barely gripping the document which was lowered by my crossed legs. I couldn't begin to imagine what Mom had gone through – all the pain she had endured solely. I had always known that she was a strong woman but never had I realized the level of strength she exceeded. Now I could see where all that remarkable strength – something I had never questioned – came from. But why did she have to go through that? Meet that man? Daniel Wyler.

I shook my head, feeling my skin suddenly flame up as fury grew in me. Why did people like him feel the need to do bad things to others? Especially to good people. And for no reason. Why did disgusting people like that exist? I felt my breathing go shallow as I felt the urge to get my hands on him and hurt him like he had hurt Mom. My poor mother. Who lived on for years hiding all her pain successfully – something she probably planned on doing for the rest of her life.

My fury turned to sadness as I realized that Mom was never going to talk about that part of her life since no one was meant to know about it. Except now I did, which was why I couldn't bring it up. I couldn't do that to her and I knew it wasn't my place. Besides, what if she really was healed from all of these years? I didn't wanna hinder that. Which meant, I now had part of her secret with me, never to be told to anyone.

I sighed, knowing it would be hard to look at her the same - but it gave me all the more reason to appreciate her for being the person that she was now. Rather than leaving it at that, on a positive note and accepting the fact that I couldn't do anything about the past or my horrible discovery, I remained seated, not able to get up.

Another minute passed of uncontrollable, contradicting thoughts going through my head. Finally, I snapped myself out of it and looked around in a slight haze. The time on Mom's clock, which was sitting on one of her bedside tables, made me get up as I realized that she would be home soon. I returned the document to where I had found it and began putting everything back in place – not worried that I hadn't finished my organizing. I emptied the shredder into one of the plastic bags filled with recyclable items before heading downstairs to dispose of them – leaving Mom's room untouched, the way I had found it.

Back in my room, I was brought back to another grave reality once I checked my phone. I had a text from Daniel sent more than fifteen minutes prior. Delete all of our messages.

It wasn't the solution I had been searching for earlier, but I did so anyway. I considered texting him, 'Ok' first as a sign of acknowledgment and to perhaps get a reassuring response back that everything was okay between us. But I didn't, as I knew it wasn't smart or realistic. So instead, I sat on my bed, my thumb nail between my teeth, staring anxiously at Daniel's number - a naïve part of me hoping that he'd read my telepathic message to call. After a short, silly moment of hope, I set my phone down on my bed, deciding to head downstairs to breathe and occupy my mind.

In the living room, I planted myself on one of the beige couches and stared blankly at the TV. I didn't budge even when my ears faintly picked up the sound of keys rattling in the front door a short moment later, accompanied by footsteps and a, "Hi honey." I didn't blink, as my brain was too foggy to acknowledge reality. The clonking of shoes on the floor filled my ears shortly after, the noise seeming to increase before it stopped. "Didn't know watching a blank TV was a thing."