I am Mousey Baby

Fitting In

Lulz. It's not Thursday. I don't update on time. Either I'm early or I'm late. Lulz. Get used to it. I'm not perfect, hoes. Fufufu.

I was never perfect to begin with. I never fit in with the crowd when I was a kid. I was small, short, a little wacko, and I was soooo shy. 

It would be an understatement to say that I hated my old self. I am disgusted by the person I used to be. I wish I stood up to the people who tried to control me in the past. Now that at this phase in my life, I realize that I don't have to do what others want me to do.

As a kid, I would constantly do what others asked me. I guess it was the attention I seeked. Lulz.

Looking back on it, I realize I did it for attention. And only the attention. People didn't notice me when I was small. I wanted to be someone's best friend. Someone's favorite. But, unfortunately, I wasn't. People hated me. They thought I was weird for how I looked. I mean, a small baby face at 10, a weird scarf to cover my hair, weird squeaky voice, pestering non-stop. Yeah, I would've hated me too. 

I wish I didn't care about what those fucked up assholes had to say about me. It took quite a while for me to realize that these assholes don't matter. 

I can be whoever the fuck I want. 

I think I really started to realize that around the end of 7th grade. Maybe the start of 8th grade. Maybe. I don't remember. I have the memory of a chair. A chair doesn't have a memory. Lulz.

It was around the start of 8th grade, and the "cool" kids had asked me to join them for a party. The reason why? I was friends with one of their crew members. That's it. 

Did I want to go? no.

What is there for me to do at that party? I'm not cool, I'm crazy. I'm not cute, I'm ugly. 

But they invited me.

I wanted to say no, but in a polite way. I wanted to say no, but in a way that would ensure that they wouldn't ever come back to me with an invitation like this. 

But what....?

Lemme be honest here, I actually wanted to go. I knew it would boost my popularity by like, a thousand. And I really need that. But then I remember how much fun I'd be having if I didn't go to the party and stand alone all by myself cuz I have no one to talk to. 

And when I thought about it like that, the party didn't seem too interesting all of a sudden. 

So this is what I said:

Literally. I just went, "My toilet needs cleaning. Can't reschedule. Wanna help me?"

And then I stand there and pretend to think about my "dirty" toilet. 

Lulz.

Those kids just staring at me like, That's it. She done gone crazy. Totally insane. 

And then they're just like, "Nah it's okay you don't have to come!! Toilet must be pretty dirty!! bye!"

And they left. Me and my bestie just stood there for a second and then we went: 

It was just too much to not laugh about. 

As if I actually clean my toilet. Lol, I don't even clean my room.

I wanted to say something to them that would make them never come near me again with an offer like that.

Lol.

Who needs a party with the wrong stuff when I can party with my besties?

I learned that day the I didn't have to fit in with everyone. I could be me. Because no matter what I do, I'm still awesome. I'm still better than everyone. Why do something that others want to see me do for their own good?

I don't need drugs.

I have KitKat bars and Cookies and Creme Hershey's bars.

I don't need alcohol.

I have smoothies, iced coffee, and soda.

I promised myself that day that I would never do anything that someone else wanted me to do.

I'll go to a party.

IF I WANT TO GO.

No one can force me to do anything.

I can say no and plead the fifth.

Intimidating them by being silent.

Lol.

I said no.

They didn't come back.

End of story.

The point of me babbling?

Stop being what someone else wants you to be.

Are you wearing that sweatshirt cuz you love it, or cuz some girl looked super cute in it, so you thought wearing it would make you look cute too?

Are you smiling for yourself? Are you smiling because something nice happened to you recently? Or are you smiling because your smile makes someone else happy?

Stop.

Stop that.

Love yourself

Do something for yourself.

Cut a cake and eat. By yourself. Remember how awesome it is to be you. Because you are the only you. No one is you.

Fitting in isn't that important. If you can fit in with yourself, find who you really wanna be, then you've already fit in!

Stop worrying about what others are going to say about you. Stop caring about those judging looks they throw at you. They do it because they know that they will never reach your level of perfection.

Don't fit in. Have you ever considered how awesome it would be to not fit in? To do exactly what you want? 

It's fucking awesome.

Fucking awesome. 

~Mousey Baby~