Uhhhh it's uhhhh uhhhh

UHHHHHH

Walking into the basement I see a dog who seems like they've been there for awhile.
It's weird, I've never seen a dog there before. And I feel guilty. Has this dog been here for as long as I've lived in this house? 3 years? I don't go down to the basement very often. It's not a finished basement, it's one of those freaky basements, you know the type. I get closer and the dog actually isn't a dog at all. It's actually a huge rat the size of a miniature schnauzer. I scream!!! OH HOLY HELL

The dog I mean rat stands up, to show me it's no average rat. It's, in a way, just like me. Someone who stands up. Ironically, I'm so startled by the rat standing up I trip backwards on my butt. embarrassing!

The rat looks at me and waves me into a corner of the room. I get up and slowly follow. There's a tunnel stretching back a long ways, very dark, and a breeze rolls through it. The rat heads into it and again flaps its arms around to beckon me over. The rat has kind eyes so I kind of trust it. Me and the rat walk through the tunnel, it's still windy. Still damp in there. It all probably takes about 15 minutes, but then I can see the end.

It's another basement, but it's not as freaky as mine. It's more of a stockroom, and there's people sitting around a table. "Hello! Glad you came!" The tallest person says and walks over to me. The rat goes to the kitchen and starts tearing through a package of ramen. I look around the room and ask "Hello!...uh, so, like what's going on here?" The tall man laughs. "Oh we're the basement community connection group! I guess I should explain. We're all a group of people who've noticed how lonely and isolated the world is, and to fix that, our plan is to create a series of tunnels that connect everyone's basement in America. So when you're lonely you can just head into your basement and hang out with anyone because all of the basements in America are connected." "Wouldn't that be kind of a security concern? Kind of dangerous?" The tall man laughs. "Iunno other people can think of that. Anyway, these are all my friends! We've all met through this basement." The friends wave, they're all playing gin rummy and smiling.

"Sorry we didn't let you know before connecting your basement. Usually when we ask people say no but if we go ahead and do it people are a little more open to it!" "uhh, I mean I guess there's not much I can do about it now. So what do you guys usually do down here? Play cards?" "oh yeah.. Play cards, watch tv, sometimes George brings a big bowl a chili and we all just chow down on that." "I love George's chili!" a lady playing gin rummy says. "haha it's a big hit, you really have to try it sometime. Oh and--- Well.. I really shouldn't be talking about it oops nevermind." "What? Now I'm curious." I say. The tall man gives the table a oh what the heck look and then spills the beans (nothing to do with chili) "Ok. Well, digging all these holes is very expensive. I'm well off, but not like digging holes all across America rich. So sometimes we have to get funds by...burrowing into rich people's homes and stealing their gold and rubies." "they just have gold and rubies just lying around?" "Yeah, they're frickin rich. Anyways, there home needs to be connected anyway, and most of them are so rich they don't even notice their precious gemstones missing." "That sounds.. Interesting." I say, to be polite. "Would you want to come along sometime? We could always use extra hands to grab more rubies." and then I say Uhhhhh for about 3 seconds and during those 3 seconds I have these thoughts. "It sounds kind of dangerous, and risky. But it also might be kind of fun." and then I follow up that uhh with an "oh I'd be up for that." "Awesome! We have something planned on Thursday if that works for you." The tall man smiles, and then I realize that I don't even know his name yet and feel a little nervous, but still, I nodded yeah.

And then it was Thursday. I didn't know what to wear to steal rubies from a rich person's house, so I just wore all black. But then I thought maybe someone there would make fun of me and like ask me if I were going to a funeral or something, so I changed into a dark navy shirt and called it good.

I walked back into the stockroom. I saw the rat and said hey and the rat waved back, with a mouth full of crumbs from something. Even though it's only been a couple of days, this rat felt like an old friend to me. I vaguely remembered the rest of the faces from last time (about 3 others not counting tall man) and I gave them a smile. "Glad you can make it again!" the tall man smiles. There's a lot of smiling here for being about to do a crime. "This is Melvin, Vanessa, and Patty, they'll also be coming with us today. You ready to head out?" I respond yeah and then we do, through a tunnel covered up by a big nice tapestry of several bears in the room. We all walk for a while, the others all quietly talk about each other's day, Melvin asks Patty how her son is doing, she says good he just got like iunno really good grades or something. I can't remember the details.Suddenly the tall man turns around. "Ok we're very close now. I've already scouted the area, we're looking for a golden chest in the 2nd floor guest room. That's where they keep em." So we went to get em.

We walked upstairs to the guest room and sure enough there was a golden chest, the rest of the room just looked pretty normal so this chest kind of looked weird in it. The tall man went first and creaked open the chest. Inside there were gemstones of every color, blue, red, green, yellow, orange, purple, teal, maroon, dark umber, periwinkle, and even more than that but I'm not going to list them all silly. The group moves forward and starts scooping the gems into our sacks until the chest is nearly empty. Suddenly there's a sound in the hallway. An extremely rich looking man in a business suit and a business appropriate haircut stands in the hallway with a samurai sword in hand, poised like he took some classes once on how to wield it. And, he looks pissed.

"STAY WHERE YOU ARE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" He yelled. The tall man had a look of surprise on his face, but it faded into a smile like he's been in this situation before. "Sir, so sorry, I can explain. We're from the basement community connection group, this is Melvin, Vanessa, patty, and MY KNIFE!!!" The tall man quickly whips out a dagger from his back pocket and lunges forward towards the businessman. Metal on metal clangs as the blades kapow together.

I jump backwards and almost trip but catch myself. "What are you doing??? This isn't what I signed up for!" The tall man pushes the businessman away from him and responds. "We need those gems! I'm not going to let my dream fail! Every basement will be connected! Everyone will finally be friends!!! AND I'LL DIE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN." The tall man turns back to the businessman once more and slashes but the businessman deflects. "What are you talking about? Connecting all the basements together?" the businessman questions. "YES! Basements are connectors. Remember your childhood? Where'd you hang out with your friends? The basement! Wasn't that such a fun time in your life? Don't you want that again?"
The businessman pauses. "Yes.. Yes. playing SSX Tricky. On the PS1." "Goin over there and eating cosmic brownies." "we.. we used to make little Lego movies.. I miss those times.." The tall man moves closer to the businessman. "They act like we can't live like that anymore but we can. Let me show you where these rubies are going." The businessman looks up and nods.

We leave and head back to the main basement, there are more people there now. All smiling, telling stories, playing games, connecting. They look more happy than the people above ground. The businessman seems like he was noticing the same kinda stuff because he's quiet for a moment and then turns to the tall man. "This is great, I haven't seen anything like this in a long time.. Keep those rubies. And let me sign you a check for a million billion trillion dollars." The tall man and I gasp. "Oh wow! Are you sure?" "Yes, yes I'm sure. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go play tony hawk pro skater." and the businessman loosens his tie and makes his way to the coach, the others sitting around make room for him. Me and tall man look at each other, smile, grab a bowl of chili, and follow suit.

THE END