Escape from China

The struggle in Thailand

I can't believe what has happened to me. I now feel that America is far worse than China. China is just bad, America is bad and hypocritical and a complete fraud. I can't write about what happened to me, I don't know how much anger and hatred I harbor inside me, and it curses me to write. It also hurt my memory.

When I left the UNHCR I needed to find shelter and food as a matter of urgency. Some people helped me, but not permanently or adequately, and I have struggled to survive 90% of the time since I left China.

I went to JRS and BRC, two organizations that claim to help refugees, but they told me that because I had not become a refugee, I could not get help, which is ridiculous. Kafkaesque bureaucracy,  A scam like Catch-22.

I must repeat this nonsense again, the first part of my becoming a refugee was becoming an asylum seeker and undergoing my first interview, which I waited for over 10 months.

And during that time, I was unable to get any help from these false, ridiculous, and absurd agencies.

Damn Americans, ugly, filthy worms whose souls are so cruel, crueler than the guards in the concentration camps. They are a million times worse than China.

I now understand that China is on the right, once I didn't understand why so many Chinese were on the side of the Communist Party, even if they were LGBT or Christian and the Party didn't like them.

Because the Communist Party treats them and me far better than Americans. I was too stupid to listen to some political propaganda to oppose the Communist Party. Just like the Nazis were the choice of the German people, the Communist Party is also the choice of the Chinese people.

Because of the Communist Party, at the time of my birth, I would not have fallen into the same fate as Thais and most Chinese. The Communist Party gave my family a much worse life than the democratic socialist countries of Northern Europe, but at least better than most Asians.

My family enjoyed welfare, my grandfather was a communist, and I became an opponent of China and then a vagabond, which is really ridiculous.

Just like some westerners who accepted the propaganda of isis to go to the Middle East, I am no different from them, I accepted the same shameful propaganda of the western world.

And after I was born, I was happy for my fellow countrymen who were poor and became rich because of the economic growth in China, they are no longer miserable like the Thais on the street.

I am happy for them, and I now understand why I was so stupid. The young people in Hong Kong waved the American flag during the protest, and I share the same fantasies and expectations as these young people. And then Sascha Hannig, a Chilean human rights activist, told me that many Americans hate America.

I told her that of course, I knew that, but they hated America because they were born with something that was theirs and they threw away the dessert they didn't like, like a young, sweet tooth princess. And for people in the old world, the dessert is so delicious.

She told me she liked my analogy. I am not a Uighur, nor a Hong Konger, nor even a Chinese who has nothing to do with the Communist Party. I am a child born into a Communist family, and it is because the Communist Party provided me with a stable and comfortable life that I became a liberal.

I have some illusions that all people are equal, that human beings should enjoy a life of dignity, that people should be free, and the Communist Party prevents that, so they are bad.

My dear countrymen, the Chinese people, are much more sensible and realistic, they are not idealists, they are like wild animals in the natural world, they are after what they want, nothing is free, they understand this clearly.

So when I talk about what happened to the Uighurs and the Hong Kong people, they are very angry that people want their land and their wealth, and I object to that simply because of the absurd assumption that human beings have human rights.

Westerners are so stupid, the Chinese know exactly what they want, they have never been brainwashed. When I was in Shanghai, I met a Spaniard who mentioned 64 to me and surprised me by knowing that I rolled my eyes because I thought that all middle-class Chinese knew and most just didn't care.

Those students failed, so they are wrong, the Chinese values are so simple and correct.

Because of my stupidity, I was treated with indifference by the UN agencies, created by the Americans, and ridiculed by the Chinese.

I can't believe that people like this are still creating the lie.

The entire western world is a far bigger lie than China. Just like the Japanese Rashomon, and the Russian nesting dolls.

I thought I recognized the Chinese lie, then I realized that there is a bigger lie outside of China.

The Western world was not on the right side of Cold War values, as the Voice of America and Radio Free Asia continue to promote to this day, deceiving and fooling the Chinese people.

The Western world and China are complicit, just as Cisco has provided the Chinese government with an Internet firewall.

The Chinese government is a close ally of the United States, just as they paid for the war in Iraq. Both China and Saudi Arabia are good friends of Americans, while idiots like Khashoggi and I believe they are enemies.

I'm glad to see China and the US becoming enemies over interests, but this rivalry is like Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union, a conflict between two evil empires.

I am also very happy to see the death of Americans, 500,000 is too little, maybe 10 times cooler, when I was a kid I would go play with my friends in another community that was the retirement place of the workers who worked for the production of nuclear weapons, but I knew very well that those workers did not produce nuclear weapons, those nuclear weapons were aided by the Soviets, most of the workers just did unimportant work, producing parts that they did not know how to use.

And the same goes for the Wuhan Virus Institute, where the West aided China, aided China's biological and chemical weapons, and I feel very happy about what happened to them. It was like seeing China against the Soviet Union. The West killed themselves, and they deserved it.

Nothing exemplifies the hypocrisy of the West more than my struggle in Bangkok.

I had severe PTSD, I went through Chinese imprisonment and torture and then endured wandering and starvation as retribution for my betrayal.

I feel utterly desperate and frustrated, I don't know why I am so stupid.