I just wanna look good for you | english version

Prologue

28.12.2015

Break. Time of rest and moments spend with family group.

Without regards countless parties, drugging in the corner of the room and pretending, that world is going good.

Was I thinking, that the break will change me as a human?

Of course not, I'm not an idiot. But it's only the begininng, and it seems wearisome and boring.

For the last few days I was entertaining my sisters: making braids, tying bows and helping Lottie to put the blush on her cheeks.

Great moments. Without mentioning my birthday, which, as each year, made me sad.

Because it's not like this, that I'm getting younger and there is anything material in the world, that may give me a bit of happiness. My mom was overworked for all holidays, cooking, cleaning up, tuning - she barely noticed, that I came back. I felt abandoned and, what is worse, used. 

Nobody was paying attention to me. Nobody seemed happy, for me, spending time with them again.

I know, I'm guilty of myself because any of those things wouldn't happen, if I didn't dream of conquering the world. The sad truth is the fact, that entire family learned to live without me. So many things changed in the last five years, but I wasn't there, to reflect sign of my face in their memories.

I dismissed the last thoughts, and finally turned the key. It took me some time, to throw off shoes next to the door and hang a coat on a hanger. It's another place, that will bring me a set of never-ending routine. Home, resident by Harry and me since 2011, in the suburbs of London, seems to warn me against something bigger. Fragrance of sweet perfume is in the air, driving mad my sinus and...wait, really, perfumes?

What the fuck?

I'm frowning my eyebrows, going through the hallway to the living room, where I find no living soul. At least the sofa may be used as proof that somebody is here: overwhelmed with a variety of types of dresses. I'm lifting platform shoes from the table, but shocked, I leave them quickly.

What happened here? Where is Styles? Somebody broke in?

I sigh wryly, taking Baileys from the bar, to swallow half of the bottle in one breath. I have tears in my eyes, but I don't know where they came from. I tilt my head sideways above the bar, suffocating with a dry sob, when the bottle lands hard on the counter and wobbles at the edge.

I'm so weak human. During the tour I didn't think that many, I was taking care of my work and yes, I was under the pressure, but it wasn't bad because I was forced to pretend happy.

And what now?

Part of me was of not saying anything Styles, who has an unknown problem to me for almost two years. I don't know what. Supposedly no one knows. The job of my life is to think out for me, what idea hit youth' head.

It didn't make the situation easier, I mean, of course, you can say: why not leave, and go to any other property, huh? Oh, why not? You have so many of those! Without Styles!

The problem is, it's my main house. Everyone has one. It's this, where you lived through worth remembering moments, it's this, where you were happy the most because everything ha the beginning here. All my stuff, favorite furniture, color of the walls are here. I created  character of this house and unfortunately, I feel attached to it.

"What are you doing here?" I'm turning around my head, hearing his voice and... I don't know what shocks me more - bow tangled in his hair, or glitter on cheeks. I'm looking at the bar with my glance and back on him - as apathetic.