I just wanna look good for you | english version

1.

31.12.2015

Transsexual people live from ten to twenty years shorter.

From ten to twenty.

Twenty.

"Louis!" 

His strong voice throws me away of amuck. A bit more squeaky than usual or it's just my imagination? God, it already started working? That fast?

I'm blankly staring at the wall in front of me and I'm squeezing cup with my hands. My friend puts himself in a huge danger, does he even know about it?

"Do you listen to me?" I turn around my head and blink, seeing, that he put a pink pinny on his shirt.

I close my eyes as tight as it's possible, unable to answer his question.

It has to end.

"I'm accused to you, ignoring me, but maybe you will deign to tell me, what's happening with you?" he bases his hands on the table top and does his best to look me straight into eyes. Well, I'm not letting him to do it, because I know, that I would find something again. Maybe something in his glance, maybe in his facial features.

"Your face doesn't show any emotions twenty-four daily for weeks."

I silently put the cup away and holding my trembling breathe, I'm wondering what will happen, when hormones stop being enough. He'll want gender surgery, then nose, boobs, butt... he will totally change. There won't be even a memory of my old friend.

"End." he nervously announces, throwing a rag on the table. "I'm calling Jay. I was putting it off to the last moment. You are giving me no choice."

I should stop him, right?

"She was putting it off?" I ask unconfidently. Harry whispers quiet 'what' and take away the cup I was playnig with to keep  my attention on anything. "You speaked to to yourself like you were a girl, it's incorrect."

"No? I said..." he is shaking his head, not controlling the fact, that he wrinkles his forehead "however. Not that important, what do you mean?"

"Nothing." I whisper innocently. "I just got it wrong. You made a mistake, or..."

"You're stoned." he states. He turns his back to me and takes chicken from the refrigerator. He washes it and begins to season it. "To think, that I was worried of such an idiot."

"She was worr..."

"I was worried!" he yells, throwing knife at the cutting board, making a huge noise. I jump on my chair, swallowing my slaver. "Yes, fuck, I was worrI-E-D. You've always been like a child, anything has changed."

"With you is the exacly other way around."

Brunette stops all his activities and seems to study my words, still standing his back to me.

"What do you mean Louis?" he asks and maybe it just seems to me, but I feel a hint of hope in his vouce? "What has changed in me?"

"Your attitude to me."

"Attitude?"

"Yes. You're distant, unfriendly and you don't want to spend time with me me so much, that you installed fucking lock in your door."

Harry lowers his head.

"It just seems to you." he says after a while, carefully picking words. "You wouldn't understand. About our friendship, I think, that we both contributed to it."

"Both?!" I get indignant. He has to kidding me. "Maybe you will also say, that I was the first one to ignore you?"

"Maybe you'll go upstairs and dress up, before people will start coming?" he suggests, changing topic like nothing happened.