Changing is hard

Part 50

I take a deep breath while Ruby opens the box that holds my heart. My broken and bruised heart.
"You are the strongest person I know mom." Henry starts and I have to force myself to look away from my heart and at him.
"But even the strongest person is allowed to fall apart from time to time. We love you and we will always be there, right by your side. We wont leave you. We are family." With that said he lets go of my hand and turns around to take my heart out of the box. I gasp as soon as I can feel his hands holding it carefully as if afraid that one wrong move would break it. He turns around to look back at me looking straight into my eyes.
"Mom you've always been there for me. Through the good and the bad times. You've been there when I misbehaved and treated you badly. Please, let me be there for you now."
"Let all of us be there for you." Snow adds.
I look each one of them in the eyes while lingering a little longer at Rubys before looking back at my heart.
"Please." I hear Ruby pleading with me now. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a minute. As I close them I can feel a tear making its way down my cheek. Once I open them again I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Damn, even without a heart I look like a mess. I have to look away from my broken self and my eyes land on Rubys in which again I only see love in. Damn it. Another deep breath and my eyes wander to Henrys warm chocolate brown ones. I want to tell him no. I want to tell him he's wrong. That I am not strong enough for dealing with this kind of pain again. I want to tell him that I am done hurting. That I had my faire share of it but something tells me that he wouldnt give up. That he would keep being headstrong about this and it would go on and on until I eventually gave in. Thinking about this though...Having to deal with all the pain once again? Especially after having my heart out longer than just a couple of minutes... I really dont want to have that thing back in my chest. I am tired of all the pain but I am also tired of seeing the pain im my sons eyes so I give him a small nod. He instantly knows what this means and his face lights up as if he just got christmas, easter and birthday presents all at once. I take a deep breath and he slowly hands me my heart. I look at it for a minute. Enjoying the last seconds of barely feeling anything. Even though i could poof myself away I know that I wouldnt get away with it. So with one last deep breath I close my eyes and put my heart in its place. As soon as its back in my chest I can feel all the pain and anger coming back at once. The pain of watching Daniel die twice, the pain I felt all the time when the King forced himself on me. The physical and emotional pain of miscarrying. The pain of losing Henry and Ruby as well as the pain of being responsible for my mothers death. All of a sudden the room starts to spin and it feels like it's getting smaller at the same time. My chest feels like it's getting tighter and I can barely breathe. I can hear Henrys and Rubys faded voices calling me as I feel my knees giving out under me. Just before I hit the floor everything turns black.