Changing is hard

Part 53

"Regina. Regina wake up." I hear my mothers voice as I open my eyes slowly. Guess you can pass put while you're passed out. Once my eyes are open I look at my mothers concerned ones.
"There you go. Come on lets sit up." she tells me while pulling me up.
"You okay?" she asks.
"Okay? Well I just passed out even though I am passed out already. I am talking to my dead mother who told me I have a sister I didn't know about. Not to mention that the man who played a huge part in me turning evil is my father. Yeah I am great." I tell her sarcastically.
"Can we switch this scenery into a bar? I really need a drink." I tell her as I feel a headache coming.
"It's your mind so if you want to be in a bar I guess you just have to think about it. Although I don't think its a good idea."
While she is talking I am thinking about a bar. About a nice bar with a comfortable booth in the corner and lots of alcohol. As I open my eyes again we are in that bar.
"You do realize you can't get drunk?" My mother sitting across from me asks with her arms crossed in front of her chest and a raised eyebrow.
"It's the thought that counts." I tell her as I look at her and then at the table between us.
On said table is a bottle of apple cider and two glasses. I take the glasses, open the bottle and pour both of us a healthy amount. I give my mother her tumblr before raising mine in a toast and downing all of it in one go. As the liquid goes down my throat I close my eyes for a second. Enjoying the taste and the warm feeling in my stomach. Yup, I needed that. I open my eyes, grab the bottle and fill my glas once again. I see the look she throws me and know she wants to say something,
"Like you said. I can't get drunk." I tell her with  hopefully an understanding expression on my face. She nods and finally takes a sip from her own cider.
"So" I start while looking at the alcohol filled glas in my hand.
"Does he know?" I ask her while raising my head to look at her. She closes her eyes for a second and nods her head.
"I told him as soon as I found out." She takes another sip and continues her story.
"At first he was excited. Then he realized what it actually meant." She takes another sip and a deep breath.
"He knew if he wanted to be a real father he would have had to give up his powers. At that point in our lives he couldn't be a responsible parent and the Dark One at once. He had to choose and I think we both know what he chose."
"His powers." I state taking another sip.
"Yes, breaking my heart in the process. I met Henry soon after that. I told him I was pregnant. The next day he asked me to marry him. He knew he couldn't have children of his own. This way he would get the whole package out of this marriage. A wife that he could fall in love with, a child to raise and his family would stop bothering him. I said yes. Him being so nice, gentle and accepting I would have easily fallen in love with him if my heart had been in my chest."
"When?" I ask after taking a deep breath.
"After Rumple made his choice. I couldn't handle the pain so I took it out."
"During my childhood... did you ever think of... did you ever try to..." I cant finish the question because I don't know if I can handle the answer. As I look in her eyes I can see pain and regret in them as well as the tears rolling down her cheeks.  She takes a deep breath, swallows the rest of her drink while looking at me.
"Did I ever think of putting it back?" she finishes my question and I nod my head because I can't trust myself to speak.
"All the time. Especially when you were little. The first few years after you were born I was so close so many times. But I knew by returning it all the pain would come back as well and I wasn't strong enough for that. So I convinced myself I wouldn't need it to be a good mother. How wrong I was." She looks down at her empty glas and once again a tear escapes her eye.
"I am sorry for not being strong enough to put it back. For not being able to be the mother you deserved. For everything I've put you through. For accepting the Kings proposal and everything he put you through." her voice breaks and I feel a tear running down my cheek. I take a shaky breath.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you do it? Why did you accept the proposal? Why did you stand by while the King did the same thing to me your father did to you?"
"I really thought it was best for you. You could have had the live I always wanted and I know you would have been happy living in a cottage with Daniel but... I knew how hard life could be. I didn't want you struggling to put food on the table. I didn't want you having to work as a waitress and putting up with drunk men on a daily basis. Who knew what they could have done to you when they didn't get what they wanted. I wanted better for you. You deserved better. Also I didn't have my heart in my chest for so long that I forgot what love felt like. I hate to admit it but since I haven't felt things for such a long time... I... I didn't realize how you were feeling. I am sorry. I am so sorry for Daniel. If I could turn back time I would do so many things differently."
"The man you fell in love with, the one you were engaged with..."
"Like I said he married the girl not long after."
she fills her glas with cider again. Before I can continue with my question she starts talking again.
"This cider is really good but not as good as yours. How.." I see what you are doing mother.
"Mother." I look at her with a raised eyebrow.
"It was worth a try." she tells me before swallowing her drink in one go.
"A few years after you were born they welcomed their first child as well. A girl."
It can't be.
"A few years after that the mother fell mysteriously ill."
Mother no. Please.
"A few years after that..." she fills her glas again. I look at my cider filled tumblr and down it in one go before filling it up again.
"The girl was on a runaway horse and saved by me." I state matter of factly.