enduring love | miniminter

10

simon laid on his back, staring up at his phone. he knew he had given ivy a blunt reply, but he did not know how to talk to her anymore. the two of them needed to have a serious conversation, the entire breakup repeatedly played on the back of their minds to a point where they forgot how to communicate with one another in a 'normal' way - if you could even talk to your ex in a 'normal' manner without the memories rushing back.

the night before felt slightly tense and awkward, yet he could not pin point why. it was great that they were able to spend time with one another, but it did not feel how it once was and he hated that. although it was understandable, with them not being together anymore or far from as close as they used to be, the thought of having to spend time with her brought on unbearable dread which he felt guilty about.

even simply sending her a text message felt difficult, he feared that messaging her too often would make him appear clingy, but hardly speaking to her made him look like a dick, it was as though he could not do anything right. since finding out she moved to london, simon had not felt like himself - even just seeing her drinking with her friends was enough to mess with his head. he always thought that if he saw her again it would be back home and they would bump into one another, he never imagined spending quality time with her like the old days.

stretching his legs out across the soft material of the sofa, he stared up at the ceiling letting out a long sigh. "you've been acting so strange recently bro." jj furrowed his eyebrows, staring at his friend from the kitchen.

"what do you mean?" simon slowly brought his head to look at jj.

"i don't know," he shrugged his shoulders, making his way back to the sofa with a snack in hand, "you're just quiet."

"ah, right." simon nodded his head slowly, "well, i'm fine."

jj narrowed his eyes, "hmm." he murmured.

"what?"

"i've known you all these years, you think i wouldn't know if something was bothering you?" he softly chuckled.

simon swiftly shook his head, "i'm fine."

"you're so stubborn," jj huffed, throwing his head back into the cushions, "just tell me what's wrong, man."

he felt an overwhelming amount of concern about simon and he knew it was because of ivy being back in their lives. it reminded jj of how long it took simon to come to terms with the break up, although simon was surrounded by his friends there was a large piece of his heart missing and it took the guys a lot of work to bring him back to his feet. jj recalled how quiet his best friend was and his major mood swings from suppressing his feelings, similar to how he was acting now.

"i dunno," simon mumbled, "do you think hanging out with your ex, out of nowhere, would be easy?"

"no, not at all," jj raised his eyebrows, "that's why i'm asking if you're okay because i thought you were over her, but you don't seem to be."

"hmm." he murmured, turning his head to gaze out of the window, the sunlight beaming through the large windows. he squinted his eyes at the sight, but no longer wanted to look at jj, desperate for the conversation to end.

"so, you're not over her."

"i didn't say that." simon muttered under his breath, staring at the clear skies.

"tell me what's wrong then? you must still like her." jj insisted.

slowly turning his head to stare at jj, he simply shrugged his shoulders, "maybe."

"i knew it!" jj raised his voice.

"it's literally not that deep," simon sighed, "i don't really know what it is, i'm just trying to understand how i feel."

"what do you mean?"

"well maybe i don't still have feelings, i'm just trying to come to terms with her being back in our lives after so long."

jj nodded his head slowly, "well, you know i'm always here to talk."

"yeah, thanks."

the entire day, simon had urged for a distraction. he kept himself busy for most of the day and decided to stream. although he appeared moody and his upbeat personality had definitely faded away, he needed something to do to stop him thinking about ivy or even why he was thinking about her in the first place. deciding to play GTA online with his discord, he soon felt his energy resume as he yelled at the screen, yelling "you're a bitch!" or simply screaming.

"thanks @user3459 for the three months," he glanced over at the screen, "appreciate that." quickly averting his attention back to the game in front of him, his yelling intensifying when he died by getting distracted.

watching the chat whilst he waited for the other players to be ready, he instantly furrowed his eyebrows. it appeared to be simon's own chat bickering with one another, over ivy.

user4792: noticed you hanging out with ivy again
user1903: why does it matter what simon does with ivy?
user4792: jheez, was just saying
user2337: does this mean ivy and simon are back together?
user3621: that's their personal lives.

"can we stop arguing in the chat please." he forced a chuckle, rolling his eyes as he turned his attention away from it. all someone did was post one video of ivy from the previous night on their instagram story and everyone was quick to make assumptions, simon was simply bored of it.

as he continued to play, his half-decent mood began to fade away. simon streamed as a means of distracting himself from ivy, only to find her name plastered all over his chat. glancing at his chat again, it appeared to have calmed down - until a donation came in.

'user7481: donated $5
are you and ivy back together?'

his eyes widened at the words written across his screen, did someone really donate just to delve into his personal life? taking a deep breath in, he turned back to his game, "no, me and ivy are not back together." he shook his head.

the rest of his stream felt as though it dragged, he was desperate for the GTA playlist to come to an end, feeling hopeful as each lap passed as he was edging closer to ending. the donation about ivy hit him hard, but he could not understand why. maybe it was the constant assumptions after one instagram story? but with the potential of ivy spending time with them more frequently, is that all people will talk about?

do people not believe that ex's could be friends?