Obsidian & Bronze {Fred Weasley}

13. His and mine are the same

I read it again, just to be sure. To be sure I wasn't going crazy, and that I had in fact found exactly what I thought I just found.

~~~~~

Dear Pads,

Please come back to me. I can't lose you too, please come back to me. Please Pads. I need you. Can't you see that? Can you not realise that my world turns because you're in it, in fact you are it. You are my everything, please don't leave me.

It's not fair Padfoot, how is this fair? I can't live in a world without you, how do you expect me to do that? And I know that this isn't your fault, but it hurts just the same, because how do you learn to live this way, when you're missing the thing that taught you how to live in the first place?

You saw me. No one else did, but you saw me. And instead of leaving me to simply exist, you showed me what it meant to live. Thank you for seeing me.

None of this feels real, like soon enough I'm going to wake up from this nightmare, and I'll look over and there you'll be, next to me, safe. And James and Lily will be asleep at home, with Harry, and Peter will probably be up late, doing some funny but dumb shit we should probably be stopping him from. Except I am awake, and I'm not going to suddenly wake up, because this is life now.

I don't know how I feel anymore. Broken perhaps? Although broken doesn't seem right, because truthfully if you break something, then you are implying that it has the potential to be fixed. But believe me when I tell you that nothing will ever fill this ever growing void at the hands of your absence.

Pads, you showed me what it meant to love, and be loved, and you taught me how to love myself, something I never knew was possible. You showed the world I was no monster, in fact you made me believe I was quite the opposite. For that I will forever be grateful.

I won't be able to live without you here, but I will try, that much I can promise. I'll try for you, and for myself and James and Lily and the Peter we used to know, and I promise I'll try for Ardelle.

I promise you I will protect that girl will all that I am. I will teach her the things I'm supposed to, like how to walk and talk, and I'll try my best to teach her how to be brave, although if she is anything like you she should have no trouble, and most importantly I will teach her the story of her parents. Her mother, who gave her life for the good of the future, and her dad, the greatest man I've ever known.

Sirius Black you are the most beautiful, charismatic, extraordinary, carefree, brave, meaningful and loving creature I have ever had the honour of knowing, let alone being loved by. You have shown me the meaning of soulmates and made it very clear to me that there is so much goodness in this fucked up world we live in, even if it all lives inside you.

I will find you again and bring you home, make no mistake. We belong together, Sirius Black. And I know I shut down when things got hard, but I shouldn't have, I know that now, because I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I missed out on all those early mornings we could have had, and all those stolen kisses, and each and every I love you. I robbed us of so many yesterdays, and it seems tomorrow is no longer an option.

But I'm here now, telling you I love you. I love you beyond description, Pads.

Thank you for the light you brought to a very dark, lost and scared boy's life all those years ago, thank you for simply existing.

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same" - Wuthering heights.

All my love and with every fibre of my being, scars and all.