Never Coming Home

1.

"I'm sick of this. I'm tired of your crap, Cassidy. If you aren't going to respect this household, then get out."

"Mom," I started, hoping to get through to her for once.

"I don't want to hear it. Leave me alone."

"Mom, please, just listen to me, I can explain I-"

"Did you not hear me? I don't want you here. You always said you wanted to go travel. Leave." She turned back towards the sink. I could see the steam coming from the water, pouring out of the faucet. Boy, did I mess up this time. 

"Fine," I spat back, turning on the ball of my foot and running upstairs, my vision blurry, throwing anything I thought I'd possibly need into a suitcase and throwing material things into my purse. Chapstick, I thought to myself. Phone charger, laptop, cord for laptop, wallet. Is my debit card in here? Yep. Extra cash? Check. I walked around the entire top floor of my house looking for spare cash. I took forty dollars out of my mom's vanity and twenty from my dad's wallet that was laying by his sink. I dragged my belongings downstairs and put all my shoes into my suitcase, too. I put on the pair I had by the door and walked out, without so much as a goodbye. 

I held my jacket closed with my left hand and pulled my suitcase and purse with my right. It was eight-thirteen and I was trying to maneuver away from the holes and rocks in the road. These are the moments I wish I would have saved up to buy a car instead of depending on my parent's cars being there for me at my leisure. I walked a few blocks away to an Amtrak station, checking the times for the next train departure. Eight-twenty. Just two more minutes, I thought to myself, teeth chattering and knees bumping together. Two more minutes of being in the cold. Once the train came, I sprinted on and felt instant gratification for the heating on it. I sat in a seat by the window and put my purse in the chair next to mine. I plugged in my headphones and turned on Wait before leaning my head on the window and staring at the few lights outside. 

The enormity of what had just happened dawned on me. I'm homeless, I thought to myself. Once I get off this train, where am I going to go? 

Disappear with the night, no time, I heard him sing. I've got all the time in the world from here on out. All the time in the world, and everywhere to go, and for once, I have no idea what to do. All these years spent planning the ways I'd leave West Virginia; all the years I knew exactly where I wanted to go. All these things were building up to this, but it was nothing like I expected it to be. The lights zoomed past, blurred streaks of yellow among the trees. For the first time in years, I was happy. This is the start of something new, I can be a completely new me. Nothing is stopping me, nobody to impress, a new life. A new life. I liked the sound of that.