Rise

twenty four

BENNY AND SILAS HIT THE WATER FIRST, DIVING UNDER, MOVING as naturally as fish. The seconds ticked away as I stood there scanning the lake, waiting for them to resurface. When they finally appeared, they were several yards out, pushing each other as they played.

"How'd they do that?" Bette asked. She carefully stepped out of her shoes, letting her feet sink into the sand. "They just disappeared."

Sarah splashed in easily, not stopping until the water came up to her knees. As she ventured further, her movements were less certain, her eyes locked on the rippling surface. "This is the hard part," she called to Beatrice, who was standing behind me on shore, Clara beside her. "I can't see my feet. This is where I start to lose it."

Their voices were somewhere outside me. I'd promised the girls that before they left I would teach them how to swim. I still remembered how Caleb had taught me, the first rush of the water as I went under, how it held me, my feet barely touching the sandy bottom. I'd read that when you missed someone you became them, that you did things to fill the space they'd left so you wouldn't feel so alone. Standing here at the lake, months after he died, I knew it didn't work. Doing these things-the same things he used to-only made me miss him more.

I walked into the water, oddly comforted by how cold it was. My feet stung for a moment, the feeling waking me. As the rest of the girls started in, I turned, gesturing for Pip and Ruby to join us. They sat on a tree trunk just up the shore, a basket between them, picking the stems out of wild berries.

"Headmistress Burns would not approve," Ruby said, the faintest hint of a smile appearing on her lips. She combed a few strands of hair away from her face. "It's too dangerous to swim. Haven't you heard of those who drowned before the plague?" She imitated Headmistress Burns's gravelly voice.

It was the closest thing to a joke I'd heard in days. I would've laughed, but Pip was beside her, her steps unsteady. She walked slowly, the exhaustion taking hold. When I'd told Beatrice I was staying, she hadn't argued as I had believed she would. She seemed to agree that Pip needed rest, that it was best for her to be here until she gave birth-something we'd navigate together, as best we could, with the small amount of information Beatrice had given me. With Califia still nearly three hundred miles off, it was possible we'd get stranded somewhere along the way. If she wanted to stay, who was I to force her to go?

They came down to the water's edge, watching the girls as they stood in their shorts and T-shirts, some already shivering from the cold. "The first step is to go under," I said, moving in, closer to Bette and Kit. "Like this." I pinched my nose and let my legs give out, plunging beneath the surface, the rush of water sounding in my ears. I opened my eyes, watching the bubbles rise to the surface as I exhaled. When the breath throbbed in my lungs, my heartbeat in my ears, I finally came up for air. Only Sarah had gone under, her wet hair clinging to her cheeks.

Bette was watching Benny and Silas, who swam farther out, floating on their backs, their puffed bellies rising above the surface of the water. "Not too far," I yelled, signaling to the birch tree that had fallen into the lake-the marker the boys had once used to keep them close to the beach. Benny lifted his head, as if he heard me, then disappeared again, flipping back below the water.

"I'll watch them. Don't worry," Beatrice said, dropping three tattered shirts in the shallows. She pounded the fabric against the rocks, cleaning them as a few more girls went under. Bette stopped at her neck, wincing as she slowly slipped into the lake.

I pulled the wet sweater away from my body, but it still clung to me. Instead I sunk down, submerging myself up to my chest, letting the lake hide me. I looked out again at Benny and Silas, who were spitting mouthfuls of water at each other. Beatrice kept her eyes on them, as she said she would, making sure they didn't go too far. "You're designed to float. Just flip onto your back," I said, moving to Sarah. She laid down and I adjusted her shoulders, helped her legs so she was in a perfect T. "Now fill your lungs. Keep your arms out, and keep looking up." I removed my hand from under her back and she dipped down an inch or so but remained on the surface. Her face broke into a smile.