We're All Lost

Three: Skeletons in the Closet

One thing about the holidays is that when you wake up, your worries are deciding whether to eat cereal or a toast for breakfast and missing the repeat episodes of your favorite television serials from last night. But today my worries consisted of school, being the new kid at school and bumping into Andrew –today's my first day at MacArthur's. I couldn't sleep last night, I kept tossing and turning the whole night, the butterflies in my tummy were just not giving up. "Wake up, wake up dickface! It's time for school!" Jayllin's voice fills my room. He opens the curtains, the sunlight seeps in and fills the room, hurting my eyes. He opens the windows, I can smell the grass wet with dew. How the fuck is this nigga here at 6 AM in the morning, one fucking hour before my alarm goes off?

"Dude, what the fuck?" I whine "What are you doing here?" I keep my eyes half open. "To wake you up of course" he claps his hands "Ahhh isn't it a beautiful day to black!" I swear, Jayllin is one loud motherfucker. "So, you mean to tell me that you came all the way from the other side of the city to wake me up?" I prop myself in an upright position, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "Yep" he says, popping the P in the end. "We should be at the academy by seven, so I can show you around. I'm your tour guide, remember?" he plops himself on the bottom of my bed, I groan. "Now wake your ass up and take a shower" he says, pulling me out from under the blankets "The ride to school is gonna take about 45 minutes, that's if you wanna stop by Getty's for breakfast. So, hurry up, our Uber will be here soon" he folds his arms.

Fifteen minutes later, I emerge a new man, only to find that there's no towel in the bathroom. Ma chose the perfect time to start with doing the laundry, she must've taken it while I was in the shower. "Ma, there's no towel in here!" I holler in exasperation, "Just use your washcloth to dry" she shouts back. Naked, I bolt back to my room. Jayllin snorts "Please don't start, it's still early" I deadpan, I swear this dude gets on my nerves sometimes "Cute butt" he laughs out. I don't have a problem with being naked in front of Jay, we used to take baths together all the time growing up until we were like, ten. Just around the time I started feeling out of place, if you know what I mean. I put on my uniform – tan pants, crisp white button-down shirt and the navy-and-crimson-striped tie. Apparently, the academy is uptight when it comes to the dress code, so I must look the part. I take down the crimson blazer from where ma hanged it after steaming it last night and throw it on, buttoning up –fancy. I lace myself with a hint of cologne and damn I look good in this uniform. The pants are snug, unlike the dull grey trousers we used to wear in my previous school. "Damn, you look fine brotha!" Jayllin hollers, dragging the first word. He showers me with invisible bank notes as I dust off the non-existent dust particles on either one of my shoulders. One of the many things I like about Jayllin is that he isn't about all of that toxic masculinity bullshit, he doesn't cringe at the idea of complimenting a guy or hugging them etc. he's just a free spirited and charismatic guy, who spreads love wherever he goes. "Okay okay, party's over tiger. Let's beat it" he says. A car horn honks outside, I'm guessing that's our Uber. I pop my head in the small laundry room where ma's busy doing the laundry "Ma, I'm heading out. Did Jayllin tell you that he'd be taking me to Getty's for breakfast?" 

"Yhea yhea, he told me. Here..." she took out a few bucks from her bra "Have a great day baby" she smiles and turns her face for a peck on the cheek. "Thank you, ma!" I rush to the kitchen and stopped at the fridge for a banana "Ma, I'm out!" "Okay, love you!" she shouts, "You too!" I shout back. I exit the house and walked towards the car we're taking. "Andrew and I were talking about you the other day" Jayllin says, with a chunk of bagel in his mouth, I bet aunt Lisa would smack his big head for talking with food in his mouth. We're at Getty's in the booth near the entrance, "What?" I choke on my beverage "Yep" he pops the P in the end. I clear my throat, is it me or it's getting a little hot in here "What'd he say?" 

"Meeeh nothing much, nothing important. Cuz?"

"Huh?"

"Is there something you wanna tell me?" he asks, in his suspicious tone "No, why?" I'm internally panicking right now, what could he possibly be suspicious about? What could have Andrew possibly told him? I thought he was the one who was eager to keep whatever happened in that closet a secret. Oh god. "Mhhhhm, I was just asking" I decided against the urge to prompt him for more information, I'll confront Andrew when I get to school. 

I haven't even started at the school yet, but I already have skeletons in my closet. Emphasis on closet. It has been weeks after that night and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I haven't been able to get it off mind, that it even started taking over my dreams. I've lost count of how much dreams I've had about him. "Cuz, are you even listening to me" Jay snaps his fingers in front of my face in an attempt to win my attention back, he succeeds "Uh yes, what were you saying?". We're at school, I had already gotten my schedule at the front desk and Jay's trying to show me where all of my classes are.
"You know what? I give up. Tour's over" he says, "But..." I try, but he cuts me off "Andrew will help you with some of your classes" okay, what game is destiny playing? Because, what fuckery is this? "Wait, what?"

"Ya'll share some of ya'll classes together, like homeroom" he says, texting away on his phone "And besides, it doesn't seem like he has a problem with you or anything, unless you do" he gives me a pointed look "O-of course not" I fix my tie. I can only imagine how awkward it's going to be between us. As though my thoughts have summoned him, the Adonis saunters into view. Andrew is as tall as me, with cinnamon skin, brown coils cleanly cut and green eyes that remind me of the Caribbean sea. Come to think of it, he does kind of look like he's Caribbean. He has his blazer thrown over his shoulder and his right hand in his pocket. He doesn't have a tie on. The crisp white button-down shirt hugs his body and the second button unbuttoned, exposing just the right amount of his chest and collarbone. He looks like a model ready for a shoot. Two boys from the basketball team linger around him, I remember one of the boys from that night, he's name is Corey –I think. Andrew says something that makes them laugh. I have practiced over the past few weeks on how to act casually in case I'd bump into him and yet here we are, with me dumbfounded by how beautiful he is. He finally looks in my direction and notices me, his smile drops. I guess someone's not so happy to see me. He puts on his blazer, the other guys leave him and he comes over, "Yo' my man, wassup?" Jay salutes him once he gets here, they do a handshake, which I'm assuming is their secret handshake, and they hug. He turns over to me and tenses up once again, he gives me tight lipped smile "Jonathan"
"Andrew" he extends his hand for a handshake, I take it. We stand there just gazing at each other's eyes, like a staring contest: whoever breaks eye contact loses and has more feelings than the other. He breaks first and looks down, he snickers "How are you?" he smiles, the sides of his eyes wrinkle up –this time its genuine. "I'm good, thanks for asking. How are you?" I smile too, "Good, good. I'm good" we're still holding hands "Uhhem" Jay clears his throat. Oh, god, I have forgotten about him. We quickly drop each other's hands.  Jay gives us a pointed look. "So... It's basketball practice after school. Are you gonna wait for me?" Jay looks at me "Jay, you know I have to catch that ride with Uncle T". Uncle T is Jay's father, he's also a teacher here and head of department of Anthropology. He's the one who pulled some strings and got me in this school in the first place, as part of the Redress Bursary Program –or something along those lines. The school is historically white, so this is the school's way of including the marginalized/disenfranchised, to diversify the student body. And, I couldn't turn down the opportunity to get out of the hood and get a fresh start, that place is toxic. My only regret is leaving Nimue behind. So basically, I'm a charity case from the projects.

"Uncle T?" Andrew asks, wearing a quizzical expression "His father" I say, pointing in Jay's direction. "Bro, chill. I'll pay for your Uber" Jay says. The buses aren't exactly the ideal kind of transport I'd want to take, because I'd have to take two of them. To make matters worse, the buses have a schedule and the time we get dismissed does not correspond with the schedule, so I'd have to wait another hour or two depending on what day of the week it is. "I'll take you guys home" Andrew speaks up, "Nahh man you don't have –"

"I insist" Andrew overlaps Jay. Kids at this school have cars of their own, I was shocked to find that they also have a student parking lot. I remember last year, Jay asked for a car for his sixteenth birthday and uncle T made it clear to him that no child is going to own a car unless he works for it and buys it with his own money. And uncle T's word is always final. "Aight, cool" Jay says, the bell rings "Walker please show him around" he says pointing at me, "But I thought..." Andrew tries, but fails "Ya'll share homeroom" Jay interjects, "Imma see you guys at lunch, peace" he walks away throwing up the peace sign. The all too familiar awkward silence between us begins.