ｓａｄ－ｉｓｔ

-six-

A few knocks were heard at her door before the older boy opened it up, "hey Ji, got you some water..." he said calmly with a soft smile on his lips, his hand pushing the door so it was slightly ajar. The younger girl got up from her fetal position to a sitting one, "thanks," she mumbled, grabbing the glass with one hand and placing it on top of her creaking nightstand. "Sorry for snapping earlier-" "no, it's ok girl don't worry, we understand," Jeno sat down on the end of her bed observing the walls of her darkly lit room, "however, I do apologize for being annoying," he chuckled and turned to her. Jeno sighed, "but you know Ji," he began; the girl in front of him shifted into a criss-crossed position and looked at him in the eyes. "I'll never understand what you went through when you know what happened," his arm extended to rest upon her exposed leg, giving it slight carasses, "but that doesn't mean I will stop trying... to you know, understand you."

The room became quiet with an enjoyable silence. Jeno's gaze shifted from her eyes to her lips and he gulped, this action not going unnoticed to Jieun who was still observing him with curiosity. He looked so fragile yet so strong, the small lights from the hallway radiating through the door and creating a sort of glow behind him just left Jieun in awe. Her eyes sparkled. A small smile pulled on the corners of his lips as he retracted his arm from her leg, placing it to his side for support. He moved his gaze away out of nervousness which caused some strands of his black straight hair to fall and cover his eyes, his side profile visible. Jieun sucked in a breath. The man in front of her looked so precious, well, she's always known that Jeno was a handsome guy ever since they met, but recently she started to realize that he's matured. Something about him, something about them all, is different now that they've started living together.

"I really appreciate it... Jen." Now it was her turn to look away while the male listened to her speak.

"I know I don't really express my feelings and I know I sound mean and harsh the majority of times, but I'm glad you got to know me before all this shit happened." Jieun smiled to herself as she fiddled with her hands. The boy glanced to his left since he heard how soft her voice became, his eyes ridden with concern. "Hey it's ok Ji, we know it was hard for you and Jaehyun, you guys were literally in the front lines." "I know, I know, but still..." she took a sharp intake of air, "it's just so confusing," she breathed out with a mixture of desperation, the palms of her hands quickly moving to cover the sides of her face as she continued. "I love the feeling I get when I do these things, it makes me feel something, it makes me feel alive - but... but at the same time, it's so fucked up and it's so fucking shitty cus I'm actually killing, I'm killing Jeno, I'm taking away lives that could've had nothing to do with KEA in the first place."

Everything was going too fast. Jieun was ranting to him, something that hasn't happened for a long time. The heart in this chest began beating faster as he saw how small the girl looked with her hands trying to hide herself away from his sight. She was scared, he could tell. She could be so intimidating and frightening when she wanted to, but when she least expected it, her whole aura could change in a matter of seconds. The wall that took so much time to build could go crumbling down just like that and she hated it; they both hated it - Jeno was the same in a way. He understood her to an extent, to an extent that finished when it reached blood and metal at the same time. He closed his eyes, head bending backwards to alieve the pain in his neck.

"And I'm so done... " Jieun mumbled. The girl removed the hands from her face to reveal distressed looking features, eyes watering and at the verge of dripping, "Jeno I'm so done... " her voice cracked at the end. The boy gulped. He didn't realize how the rays of the black lit door landed on her pale complexion and made her eyes shine through the darkness of the room, how it highlighted her high cheekbones and how it made her usually cut and bruised lips look so plump and kissable- Jieun whimpered and a tear slowly fell down her dry skin. Jeno gasped and immediately pulled himself closer to the younger, unconsciously wrapping her into a comfortable hug.

"I just feel like I really don't know what to do anymore..." Her wet sniffles were loud enough to mute the background noise of the building and wet enough to leave a patch of dampness on Jeno's shoulder. "I can't control it- when it kicks in, I completely black out into a trance in which my only goal is to see blood and-" Jeno's right hand cupped the side of Jieun's face, making the girl flinch and slowly, teary eyed and blushed, she looked up. "It's ok, Ji." The boy's thumb gently stroked her humid cheek as he looked down on her, "these past few years have made us monsters, some more than others, but we're still human... you're still human, Ji." The palm that rested on her cheek slid down to the side of her neck, inclining her head downwards so that he could leave a loving but short kiss on her forehead. "You're going to be ok, we got you," he whispered to her, his chin resting on the top of her head.

Jieun released a cry that she didn't know she was holding, it was filled with pain and hurt and hate, a combined emotion that had spread throughout her body like a virus- consuming her alive, making her weak on the inside. The tight embrace that Jeno had on her body resembled the one her dad would give her, the forehead kiss reminded her of her mother and the silent words of comfort made recall all the times she would go cry in her parents arms because she was scared to sleep alone in the darkness. The older held her tighter, "I got you, you're safe here." The hard grip she had on the sides of his shirt eventually loosened as the girl slumped in his arms, crying with a mixture of covered up screams and pants and hard breathing.

Jeno didn't care though, he just wanted to hold her and not let go until she was beaming with happiness again, he wanted to be there for her in every moment of her life. Whereas Jieun just wanted to be the victim of her own mental game for once, she wanted to feel that she could be human again, to cry, to depend on someone when she really wouldn't be doing so in her normal state of mind. "Listen to me," the boy's hands reached up to the sides of her face, lifting it up so that their eyes could meet again. Jieun, still ugly crying, slowed down her whimpers and steadied her breathing despite the never ending fall of tears. "I got you, you're ok here, and even though you have your demons, I still love you."