Short Stories

Nature vs Anxiety

There is a distinct paradox when you step outside into the open sky. It feels as though simultaneously it opens up into an expanse outside the realms of human interaction and presses in on you a blanket of comfort.

Trapped inside a boxy room I can feel the emotions bubbling inside, pressure building like the inside of a soft drink bottle. Many others have likened this experience to that of drowning, slowly being dragged under into immense pressure, powerless to stop. But the actual experience when I feel panic building is so much worse than anything I have ever felt submerged in water. In water there is a weightlessness, the rush of water running past stripping the fears from your body, immersing yourself in the flow. The only similarities between the two experiences is the roaring in your head, drowning out all rational thoughts, a dull roar deafening in my ear drums and replacing them with a single word: Breath.

There are a set amount of all resources in this world and sometimes we as humans are too greedy to use only our proper allocation. We begin wars over water, stash valuable resources away in secretive containers, convinced that our comfort is more important than the survival of millions of others. Trapped in an enclosed space can often feel as though there are not enough resources for our survival. Those surrounding us are sucking the air out of our mouths, gobbling it down in order to sustain the constant steam flowing from their mouths. I'm sure that much of what is being said is filled with intelligent remarks on the intricacies of an author's diction, the status of humanity or the beauty of mathematics but the roaring waves in my head make it difficult to focus on anything at all.

Anytime an uncontrollable wildness is boxed away, it will always find another way to escape. Either we allow the pressure to escape in measured quantities or we can continue to force it into uniformity, eventualising in an explosion of disastrous proportions. With a soft drink can, you can carefully open up the lid allowing pressure to dissipate and thus making the drink useful, or you can increase the pressure even further by trapping it in the enclosed space of a freezer, rendering an explosion with run-on effects. This is what it feels like when I feel anxiety bubbling, either I can release the pressure in short controlled intervals by spending the time in nature that my body so yearns for, or I can allow the pressure to explode in a magnificent eruption of tears and unproductivity.

Often the open spaces of nature can be combined with physical movement and flow. Any type of physical movement can often be regarded as cleansing but I find it curious how something that brings such peace and clarity to one individual can heighten the anxiety of another. My younger sister is a solitary individual and her happy place is high on the swing. Whilst our backyard is an enclosed space in a suburban area, I can tell that she experiences utmost freedom with the wind blowing through her hair propelling her into that state of freedom. But to me, it is the high-frequency screech of metal on metal that pierces through, an unnatural noise blistering the natural calm. With every screech I can feel the anxiety in me creeping higher and higher. It is the stark contrast of nature vs man made control that makes our reactions so starkly different. Where she is able to immerse herself in the feeling of fresh air on skin, the rocking motion of freedom, I am trapped in an enclosed space with the screeching pushing the walls in towards me.

The sentience of fresh air and consistent presence of the movement and flow of wind wipe away all worries. There is something about movement that allows this to happen, much like the calm that my sister receives from the swingset. As I look up at the wide expanse of open sky I realise just how insignificant my problems must seem in the face of our ever expanding universe. Immersion in nature allows for everything to be put into perspective, if I close my eyes and just allow myself to be for a few short moments, a sense of peace begins to come over me. Its as if the harmonious way that nature is able to interact within itself is drawing me in deeper, making me one with nature.

Here in Tasmania, fresh air is the epitome of nature in its purest form. Its purity infuses your body

Stepping outside the front door pulls the lid abruptly off the box and as you move further into the wilderness, the box melts away altogether. I pity anyone who does not have the opportunity to form this deep connection with nature or who have chosen to disregard its beauty in preference to the ever increasing development of technology. Unlike the people in our life who may come and go, or the material objects that may fade and decay over time, nature remains a constant, relatively unphased by the passing of time. A comforting back wall that we can forever count on in our time of need.