Botan -Peony- Vol.2

12

Slowly waking up to a familiar ceiling, my ears caught the voice of Souji and some men in front of my room. They seemed to be teasing Hijikata who grunted and attempted to shoo them away. I knew I was back in the headquarters and I knew it was morning when birds chirped.

"How is Sayo?" Souji asked, coughing dramatically for a moment before continuing, "I need her to care for me because our 'mother', Hijikata-san won't care." He said and received support from his unit in affirming murmur.

"If Sayo is so sick to the point that you had to go and cook for her, then it's unfair. You never do the same for us." Souji teased.

Hijikata didn't seem to respond to Souji's statement. He was probably staring at them boringly and would soon dismiss them.

I tried to drown myself into slumber but the darkness in my heart spoke to me and reminded me of my failure. I failed to avenge my father... How pathetic. Tears filled my eyes and threatened to seep through the corners of my eyes. Trying hard not to let them out, I was unsuccessful.

If I hadn't lent an ear to mother's explanation, I would have accomplished it. Sobbing slipped through my mouth and I did my best to keep it hidden. Sleep, Sayo. Sleep the pain away. I told myself and I didn't realize someone entered my room. The next thing I knew was someone threw away my blanket and placed a forehead on mine.

My eyes fluttered open in reflex and within my orbs was etched the image of Hijikata with his frowning face.

Murderer! Quickly I pushed him away but he held onto my shoulders strongly and kept his forehead on mine.

"You're running a fever." He said as he removed his forehead.

"Heartless!" I shouted and pounded on him repeatedly. What bothered me other than his presence was my weakness. Having high temperature made me dizzy and unable to fight. In addition, I showed my tears—I showed him my vulnerability.

"Sayo." With just his voice, he sent shivers down my spine. Was I afraid of him? Or was I seeking for his comfort? Did I truly hate him?

"Murderer! I need no sympathy!"

"I'm not." He said.

"Go away! I don't want to see you! Murderer!" I continued pounding his chest with the little strength I had. "If it must come to this end, I would rather die!"

"You're sick. You need rest." Hijikata blocked my strike, holding onto my wrists as he looked straight into my teary eyes.

"No! If you won't kill me, I'll bite my tongue and end it myself—" I struggled and attempted to swing my hands free.

Abruptly, he released both hands and pulled me into an embrace. His palm on the back of my head brought me to his bosom and his other arm circled around my shoulders.

"Even if it's hatred, it's alright as long as you live. Hate me if it lets you live. I saved your life and I will not see it go waste. You will live."

His black eyes reflected every seriousness and he meant it yet his voice was gentle and firm. His being made me feel helpless. I used to deny taking a penchant for him and now I denied ever hating him.

I wept and sobbed to my heart's content, recalling my father and releasing the need to blame someone else. As the disappearing morning fog, the darkness I had been harbouring dispersed away into nothingness. The burden I had been carrying was swept away as my tears flowed rapidly, leaving me clean and light.