Botan -Peony- Vol.2

5

What did I do wrong? I knew fully that crying wouldn't help but the rejection felt as if a huge boulder had been dropped right above me, quashing me. I worked so hard and I thought I had found my place where I could be useful. Was I not good enough for him?

The soldiers were cheering in their shared rooms while I surrounded myself among bushes in the night. I skipped dinner for my emotions hindered my appetite. It was all bland on my tongue and I had never felt so bitter to the point that food lost appeal to me.

My room became very distant and I refused to go back. Breaking branches which had fallen on the ground, I sobbed silently. What is not enough? What is it that he dislikes? Why am I sacked? Just how exactly have I been working?

"Ugh... " Thinking about it only made me down. Tears flowed down like—preferably gracefully or beautifully but it would be a lie—the flood by the Kamo River during rainy days. I sniffed.

"Is anybody there?" A worried voice rang from behind. I recognized that voice but I didn't want to be found. I killed my voice, holding my breath desperately so that he could be fooled. Still, I made the wrong calculation again. That man actually entered into the bushes to look for me which he succeeded.

"Sayo-san?" It was Hattori Takeo. The one Saitou said had been putting his attention on me.

"I thought I did a decent job in keeping silent." I covered my face, muffling into my palms.

"You did but you didn't hide your presence." Hattori sat beside me, smiling tenderly. "I have heard of what had happened during dinner."

"Please, leave me." I understood myself. Whenever I was down, whatever people said to me would end up getting repelled. My ears were exactly decorations during that moment.

"I may not possess answer to your problem but I know Itou-sensei has it. I have consulted him many times and those many times have never failed me. If I hadn't consulted Itou-sensei, I could have violated the rules and ran away. Worst case, I could have been dead." Hattori briefed. Once he finished it, he stood up and bowed before he went away.

He could have been dead if it wasn't for Itou-san? I wonder what he was thinking... Why did he even come up with the idea of abandoning the troops when he knew the ultimate outcome? I began to ponder. A human's mind was probably the biggest mystery in the world. Who could have guessed one's thoughts?

Considering what had happened in the afternoon with Itou, perhaps he had the answer I wanted. After all, he wouldn't be teaching if he didn't know anything. He did seem to know a lot of things regarding humans. Wasn't he a scholar before he came here?

Should I...?

Therefore, I spent the night pondering whether I should consult Itou or not. I couldn't decide so I had the branches to decide. Gathering as many sticks I could get and broke them apart into pieces as I muttered to myself, 'consult' and 'not consult'. People used flowers usually for things like such but it didn't impress me at all. Flowers struggled to survive too. We shouldn't pluck them easily just because we felt more 'alive' than they were.

I fell asleep with decision not taken. I realized that I had fallen asleep when I woke up due to the need to sneeze. Waking up to the reflex, I could see the sun shining brightly that it hurt my eyes. I squinted my eyes as I sneezed.

What time is it?! I had a morning practice with Yamazaki that day. Even when I was sacked, I had the responsibility to show up and apologize to Yamazaki who had been helping me a lot. With me training with Yamazaki, anyone who wanted to look for trouble would think twice before actually coming for me. I took my heels and made my way to the dojo.