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Time has stopped ticking now that we're in a pandemic, they say. Not to me, at least.

"Class dismissed, you may now end the call," announced our Professor, her voice mixed with the faint cries of her baby in the background. I shifted my attention to the door, creaking as my mom checked on me once again. The door closed, and I glanced at the clock on my laptop – 11:32 AM. Still one more class before lunch.

Navigating my last year of high school virtually felt like running in a hamster wheel. My brain functioned, but comprehension seemed to elude me. College loomed on the horizon, just months away, and the pressure mounted. After the morning class, hunger forced me downstairs.

In the living room, my mom, dad, and sister sat. I grabbed a slice of toast and choco jam, pretending to forget about the ominous discussion awaiting me. Mom, persistent, broached the subject, "Did you check your grades? Your sister got hers."

I faced them, suppressing panic. "There are a few, like two grades right now. Mine is still updating," I mumbled, preoccupying myself with my phone. "Check it again so I can pay for this month's tuition for your exam," Mom urged. I donned my earphones, drowning their words in the melodies of BTS' Magic Shop.

A tap on my head from Dad, a knowing smile. I wasn't a good liar. Part of me wanted to confess, but the other clung to the hope that I could salvage my grades.

After finishing my solitary toast, I returned to my room, diving into the sea of assignments and lessons. Hours slipped away, the clock striking 11 in the evening. I descended once more for dinner, the house silent. They were likely asleep or immersed in their own responsibilities.

In this familiar yet strangely unfamiliar space, I roamed the house, glancing around. I left my notes on the kitchen table and brewed a cup of coffee. The night air beckoned, and I craved tranquility.

Leaving my notes untouched, I needed a short break. The night was silent, a time I cherished. Coffee in hand, I ascended to the rooftop, phone, and thoughts in tow. The cold breeze greeted me, and I relished it. The view, though not from the highest vantage point, revealed the quietude of the neighborhood.

Lights in the neighboring houses twinkled, a testament to shared nocturnal rhythms. I sipped my coffee, contemplating the incessant march of time. Stuck between the monotony of quarantine and the relentless pace of life, I questioned the purpose of my endeavors.

My scholarship, a lifeline for my family, rested on my academic performance. The grading system upheaval during the pandemic heightened the stakes. I lied earlier, clinging to the hope that the grades I glimpsed would change. Not a complete lie, but a desperate grasp at false hope.

The clock, an unrelenting force, reminded me that time refused to halt. My friends grappled with challenges, one in recovery after contracting the virus. Witnessing their strength, I admired their resilience. Yet, I felt lost, struggling with my personal battles despite the world's larger crises.

In this quest for understanding, I yearned for guidance. However, quarantine had taught me that, ultimately, I confronted my trials alone. One's strength proved invaluable during solitary struggles. Yet, at this juncture, I faltered. My fears didn't stem from parental disappointment – they were understanding. Instead, I feared my own disappointment, my failure to ease the burdens they bore.

Amid the chaos, college seemed nebulous. My dreams and goals blurred in the tumultuous 2020-2021. Faced with this uncertainty, I found myself clinging to BTS' Zero o'clock as the clock neared midnight.

Surveying the lights in each house, I pondered if others shared my disquiet. Time's relentless pace troubled me, and the world felt heavy. My family depended on my scholarship, and I yearned to provide them relief. Denying, evading, and fearing, I grappled with a reality I struggled to accept.

Time accelerated, and my worries, though minuscule compared to the global crises, weighed heavily. I sought solace in the lights, a reminder that others, too, navigated their own struggles. Alone, I faced the specter of disappointment, a stark contrast to the support my friends and family extended.

Someday, I hoped to find the batteries to navigate life's challenges. For now, solitude offered its own kind of respite, a brief pause in the ceaseless ticking of time.