𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹𝘀•𝗝. 𝗛𝗮𝗹𝗲✔︎

05

Five; conversation

Words: 1430

Edward was still gone, I was surprised. I'd thought he'd come back already, but clearly I was wrong. My expectations for Edward were a bit low, he always just read my mind digging into my memories. Memories I didn't want to uncover, but only for the first few months that I had been with them. He wanted to know me, and only Carlisle and Alice knew at the time. The two were the best at hiding their thoughts so they were the ones I trusted with the information. I don't hate Edward, but he easily got what he wanted in the end. That bothered me, as much as he seemed to hate his life he always got what he wanted. I was in a way jealous, that was all.

  I just didn't want to be him.

  Unlike Rosalie's jealousy. She wanted to be every human girl she saw. She wanted to be what she used to be. She was always complaining about how she never wanted this life. Did she truly think we wanted this life? I was chosen by a manipulative vampire when I was too naive to stay away from danger. Carlisle tried to kill himself as soon as he had found out what he was. None of us wanted to be vampires, but that's what we were.

  I hated that she was so self absorbed. She had found Emmet dying, not thinking that he may not want this life just as she did. That wasn't the case of course, but if it had been. Why would she take the risk?

  I understood her partially, and in no way did I think Rosalie was a bad person; Rosalie just had a lot of bad qualities, and now I'm stuck with her... forever.

  I was complaining myself because I was dreading but at the same time yearning to see the girl and I absolutely hated that. I wished that I didn't.

  Why couldn't I hate her the same way she hated me?

  Of course I was in denial. The answer was plain and simple. It was in front of my face, but like every stupid person ever, I'd shove myself in the pitiful hole of doubt and desire. Jealousy and want.

That was just perfect.

  I always thought Rosalie was dramatic, but here I am.

I smiled at the thought, it was funny. I was dramatic. For being in denial. In denial about...nevermind. I hated denial. It
was stupid. I was always irritated with people who just admit things and move on, but now I understand. I understand all too well.

The night was going by so slowly I could fight two civil wars and get back in time for plenty hours of unneeded sleep.


  Finally It was time to go to school. The place I dreaded and loved. Only for one reason. One reason I was feeling both dread and love. Two opposite things that were felt at the same time. Like hate and love. Two entirely different things that could be described the same. Two things felt by one person. One person who was finally realizing things about themselves that they wished they hadn't. One person who would be in denial because how could this happen? Why did it happen so fast? The girl had only been at the school for one week for goodness sake.
 
God damn time. I had all of it in the world and I hated that.
 
 
  I was focusing all my attention on the very entertaining table I was sitting at. It didn't do anything. The best part. I didn't have to worry about it. I didn't have to think, oh great now I'm in well nevermind with a fucking table.
Weird analogy, but still. Point made.

  "No Bella you definitely don't play guitars like that." I heard an angelic voice say. Of course her voice was beautiful, but she played guitar? Maybe she just knew how to use one.

  Don't be stupid Jasper anyone who knows how to use a guitar probably plays it.

  I kept my head down, not making a movement, besides the human mannerisms I had to do. I was focusing on the conversation now.

"No, no that would be upside down!" The girl laughed.

"You play guitar?" Erick asked, he was entirely attracted to her, like many others at the school, but he was close to her.
That got under my skin, and that was stupid of me.

  "Well yeah." She said in a duh tone.

   "I don't know how you have time to do that with homework and stuff." Jessica's jealousy of the girl practically rolled off of her. I looked up and tilted my head just enough to see the girl's expressions.

"Oh well I finish most of my homework so I only have like half an hour of homework to do when I get home." She clearly saw through Jessica's friendly girl facade. She didn't show any dislike for Jessica though, rather she seemed to gain more confidence from her.

Well that can't be good.

I didn't see her as a gossip girl or a rude person, so it didn't make sense to me.

"I wish I was that smart!" Angela complimented.

  "Angela you are smart. You're taking twenty more classes than me so you definitely have more homework than I do." She was kind, and honest. Angela Weber took plenty of classes.

  "That's true. I wish I had the ability to take a million classes." Bella complimented, still shy.

It was easy to see differences in the two girls and why I found Charleston to be more interesting. They were both pretty, smart, and kind, but Bella was shy, clumsy, insecure, and never really did things for herself. Whereas the other girl was more out there, she was confident, she never had to look down to make sure she was going to trip, she was fiercely protective and loyal, and she never even hesitated to defend herself. Though she understood we were a danger her fear that she had felt the day she came to the school had mostly disappeared. Only a bit of fear was lingering around her other feelings.

"C'mon guys let's not be late." Jessica was jealous of the growing amounts of compliments Angela was getting.

"Don't worry Jessie you're smart too." The girl grinned.

"Don't call me that!" Jessica had an offended look on her face.

"Sorry I can't hear you! Gotta go though—in your words—let's not be late!" She called, walking away before Jessica could get the last word in. She did complain to the unenthusiastic Bella about how much she hated the nickname Jessie.

I made my way to my next class, which she was in.

"Hi." I muttered as I sat down next to her.

"Hey." She responded, surprisingly, but the emotions she was feeling was overwhelming. They were much like mine, except there was more boiling rage, but it was hidden. There was something she was denying too.

"Uh how are you?" I asked, awkwardly attempting to keep the conversation going.

"Oh," She seemed surprised that I was asking her. "Well I'm okay, how about you?"

  The first time I'd know she was lying. She was feeling a lot of both the positive and negative emotions, but she clearly couldn't see them in that light.

"Honestly?" I said thoughtfully. "I'm very confused."

"Oh." She was surprised again. "Why?"

  "Well—it's complicated. I probably wouldn't tell you anyway." I chuckled lightly, though the humor of it was nowhere in sight.

  "I understand." She shrugged, not even a little offended, but instead...hurt?

  "There's things I wouldn't tell you either." She whispered under her breath as the class started.

  Like what?

  It was entirely impossible that this girl would have secrets, or things she didn't want to tell. She was upfront, and sometimes had no filter. She couldn't possibly have things to hide. I knew unlike other humans her thoughts weren't just there for a few seconds then gone. They lingered, they came back. They drowned her. I knew because of the way she sighed, or how she put her head in her hands when the thought was just too much. The only things she kept to herself was her family and what I was.

Her family wasn't a secret, just an unspoken thing, and for my family's secret it wasn't hers. She didn't have to hide anything. Granted it was advised because everyone would think you're crazy, and the volturi would kill you in seconds.

  Maybe that was a frustrating thought.