The Blue Diamond | JJK 🔞

59 "Let's Be Civil"

*Jungkook's POV*

There's no use of it. All those tantrums that I threw are of no use. None of it matters now to be honest. Damage. No, it's a huge destruction and it can't be reversed back.

I'm not sure why they let me off of the anesthetic when all they gonna do is put me aside. The first thing I did after waking up is lock the door from the inside. I don't want anyone to talk to me. I just want to be left alone. Maybe it's childish, but what else can you expect after everything that has been done.

This room, the beginning of everything. Waking up inside this room has given me a lot of trauma. My head has been aching so bad that it feels like someone is banging a fucking hammer onto it. I am getting those flashes again, the flashes from the night I dread the most and I am not sure how long I'll be able to hold myself up.

I am not sure for how many days I was out. But I know this must have upset Eli so much. Eli, what... what might she be doing now. How frustrated she must be to feel deceived. Even the strongest person breaks in millions of pieces after being betrayed, and she, she must be so devastated.

Thinking about her just want to make me take my own life.

I've done a lot of thinking. I just need more time to process everything. If I won't be able to get out of this place, then it's all over. I hate this house more than anything in this world. Even though it was the only place that stopped me from becoming the real monster I was about to be, this just remind me how much I looked up to the only person who was the entire family to me.

Back then, I was locked inside this room just like now. I was a scared little boy who committed the sin greater than my own self that I am now. I wasn't allowed to step out of this room for days, provided it was out of my consent unlike now.

But I used to have visitors. Jimin and Taehyung and Hobi will spend hours in my room to play video games. Jin will make sure to bring me food almost every hour. Yoongi will spend his own time with me playing his casio.

Except for Namjoon. He won't come and see me even for a second. I used to feel so guilty about what I did. I felt like he was so disappointed in me and I wanted to do better. I tried so hard to prove myself to him, but all he did was to avoid me.

He used me for more than once and I never questioned him. He used me to get his works done. I always did whatever or whenever he'd ask me for. I have never gone against him once before until now.

I had solution to this mess, I was looking for options but he wasn't ready to listen. His stupid stubbornness to protect me ruined everything. What am I, a fifteen year old kid whose scared to face even himself?

I had Eli now. I had everything that I wanted. But he took her away with all the hatred in the world. How will I even forgive myself?

Its all my fault. Only I am here to blame. I broke her and everyone around me.

Wasn't it the only thing I dreaded the most? I didn't wanted to hurt her, but somehow at the end I did what I was afraid of.

"Jungkook..." it is Jimin calling from outside. He's been constantly trying to get me out of my room. I don't want to talk to anyone. Why can't they understand that I want to be left alone at the moment.

"Yah Jungkook," this time Jin knocks, "open the door." Ignoring them, I pull the covers above my head.

I remember the time when it was me banging the door from the inside to let me go out. How much scared I was to stay in this room all alone by myself. And now, I am scared of going out of this room.

"Stop acting like a child and open the door." I scoff. Now I'm being childish. I hear them talking outside but can't make out what they are saying. "Do you realise we can open this with a spare key?" My body stiffens. Now I actually feel like a child being caught red handed. My heart beat starts to pound out of blue. Not because I am gonna get back to the real world where I'll be needing to face everyone outside and scream for answers. But because something in the back of my head says it is gonna be alright.