I know its been a while since I've been on here. I've been dealing with a bunch of stuff these past couple of days. The last peice of advice i want to give is.
Don't ever let the one who was your everything in life slip away. The one who knew every little secret every little thing about you. The one who made you feel like you were the top of Mount. Everest. Don't ever forget the memories you hold of that person no matter the circumstances. We all make mistakes some good and some bad. They will always be special no matter how much pain your in, no matter how much you've been through together; you felt as if that person was truly magnificent. The memories you hold, should be cherished. The ones you were really happy for. Don't let the person of your dreams come and go as they please. Be honest with them 100% of the way or you might have regrets weither it was because of depression or something deep down inside. Maybe if i hadn't been so selfish and always too far back for anyone to reach me. Maybe i would of stood a chance with the one I called my Soulmate. My king, my hunny bun sugar plumb, my love, my happiness. Clearly I was in the wrong. If i would have picked up on this person sooner I would of been able to salvage today. I beg of you who are reading this. Don't be afraid to express yourself in any way, shape, or form. And its going to be okay eventually. Who knows maybe the one that got away needed time to be themselves or find who they are in this world. I understand that this world is a cruel place and sometimes your stuck in a rut and falling down into a dark abyss, just don't give up there will be a light deep down that'll shine past the point of no end. You will be thinking to yourself its your fault even if you gave it your all and wanted the best for yourself and your significant other. Don't think just because its over you can give up or do something stupid. Its not worth hurting yourself over. Im new to these feelings as well and i know that if your already in a dark place and your light has faded and vanished from your life. Even if its just the slightest bit of hope or if they would come back or that they don't care. Rethink your decisions before making them. You'll feel lost without your other half. But trust me that will be okay. And if they don't come back or show, then they really didn't want to put anything onto you and possibly wanted the best for you that they couldn't give. Think about it. I begged and begged and begged not to loose the one i called my husband, but he had other plans already. He thought it through. So i guess its my decision on what to do with my life that he gave to me. No matter how hard its or how badly i want to be alone and how badly it hurts. Im not going to lay around, not eat, sleep, or breathe no. I have to pick myself up where he left me. I feel as if ive lost myself as a person because he was my all. My everything. He made me want to see a great day with a better tomorrow. He was the reason my eyes lit up in the night like stars in the universe. I just turned 15yrs old at the time when this amazing person came into my life. Now im almost 19yrs old and he's gone in a flash. It was long distance which was extremely rough and an emotional rollercoaster but honestly to be true to all, I loved him no matter what or how far apart we were. I really thought it was meant to be. No matter the differences or the issues we have had. I just wished that it didn't happen so soon or at all and yes that is very selfish of me to say right now however, As me. The real me who's been hiding everything. I finally understand what love was like in the movies. What it felt like to be top priority in someone elses life, just don't get too full of yourself because they also have a life of there own too. The issue is today. this boy....was..my future. he was the love the one i believed in with all of my heart, soul, everything. The one i wanted out of 7 billion people on this planet and in this universe. I'd sell my soul to even be in his presence anymore. Maybe it was because we've been together for so long, that maybe he got bored of my petty white lies about how i felt or what i have done wrong. You never know what'll happen tomorrow so give it your all with every second that goes by today. Give you the best you, you've got. Don't be overly selfish about things either. Its a two person thing and there has to be two to make it work. You have to give it your all or it will feel like each second of your life has stopped. If your new to dating and are scared of getting rejected. That's okay they're the ones at loss, be the amazing person you are today and don't ever change who you are for anybody. All i can really do now is hope for the best in the end and maybe it will get better. Or it was just young love at the time of it all. I got so attached to this boy because he showed me true life. I was on the verge of throwing my life away until he showed up. I feel like I could have done better. This boy is an absolute, hes an amazing intelligent stunning author, wood carver, video gamer, computer wiz and so much more. I see why he left me and its because we still have a whole life ahead of us and he needed room to grow, we had issues and our differences. I still feel ashamed of myself and i also think he left because he was tired of me showing my self doubt and not having confidence in myself or what i was giving. Like he didn't know how to respond or even comprehend what was going on anymore and I know he was also going through a rough time in his life right now. Im not mad at the decision he made. I told him i will respect him in any way and support him. I just wished we could have talked it over and maybe still be. But you can't always get what you wish for. Who cares if they were prince charming or a dirty begger on the corner. Whatever you feel inside is real. If this person really does mean so much to you. Go for it and don't do anything you might regret. Personally its not about looks or quirks. Its about who they are and who they want to find in themselves. If your everything is going through a rough time right now do what you think is right and don't let others influence you or that judgement. This boy is a great person, he listens, he puts so much effort into whatever he feels up to doing, his sense of humor was one of his best traits and i considered all of his flaws as perfection in my eyes no matter the situation. I knew something was wrong deep down but he was also diving slowly into the deep end. I got him out once or twice before. I couldn't this time. And Im so sorry for not being there and enough for him. Guilt is eating me up alive. I know now i should of done better not for myself or him. But as us. As a couple. As a relationship. Im scared now to do anything and I'm the one stuck on my hands and knees where he ripped my heart out. As i am sitting here while my fiber glass shattered heart that is laying in pieces before me. The number 1 thing i regret in my life is causing so much pain. He made this decision and I have to obey it. There is no going back now its done been and gone. No matter how much im going to miss him. I just hope he's okay and finds whatever he was looking for. And if he is the one reading this. Then. Thank you for the memories, for these feelings i have inside, these emotions, and the best years of my life. Im not mad but upset that i couldn't do anything but watch and listen as it unfolded between us. I will never be the same person that he made me believe in. If he comes back for me. I don't know what id do. He's gone for good i think. I never wanted this to happen even if i was the reason of it all. Trust me it hurts beyond repair and nobody will ever fill that void. But like i said. The one who got away was us. Im lost with everything he's shown me or given me I don't know what to do. But i will try to be positive for him. If he does somehow show back up in my life. Then tough love. I begged with my heart and soul on the line for him to stay. I got on my hands and knees and and beckoned he stay with me. No provail. Hes the one that got away. My true love and my one and only. I love you to the ends of the world and nothing will ever change that.
